It hasn't been easy these past two weeks. In fact it has been a lot harder then the first surgery. The first time I lost my entire sciatic nerve so it was a true miracle I was walking. I didn't realize they had taken the entire nerve so I guess that was a good thing! This time around they took my entire glute muscle on the left side. Yes, the ENTIRE muscle. What does this mean? It means walking will be even more difficult for me.
Right now I can only stand or lay on my right side. This will be the case for at least four weeks. I have to allow the area to heal properly. That means no sitting at all. Balancing on my one leg becomes tiring after awhile so I find myself laying down most of the time. I have to have help getting up and going to the bathroom. Courtney installed some bars in the bathroom so I can at least take care of business on my own.
Walking right now is not easy. My knee is on overload and aches a lot when I walk too much. I am back to the walker so I can use my arms more and relieve some pressure on the leg. My hip is not strong at all. Without the muscle it is not being held in very well so I have to be careful how it is moved around. I have lost a lot more feeling in my leg. In fact I cannot feel the entire calf now. My leg is still swollen below the knee preventing me from wearing my brace or shoes. I have to walk outside with socks.
Life has been very frustrating for me. I feel like I am so much worse then I was before. I can remember just a short time ago I was praying and hoping I might return to my usual self. Now I just wish I were where I was before the surgery. I was coming to terms with my situation and things were progressing. Now I have another pitch fork in the program and it has really slowed me down. You could even say it has completely knocked me down but I am slowly getting up. Each day does get a little better!
Pastor Dan Perkins came to visit me in the hospital about a week after surgery. We talked a little about my situation. Then he wrote this on my message board:
Have you not heard? Have you never understood? The LORD is the EVERLASTING God! The creator of all the Earth. He never grows weary. No one can understand the depths of his understanding. He gives POWER to the weak and strength to the powerless. But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength!
They will soar high on wings of Eagles! They will RUN and not grow weary! They will walk and not faint!
I read this every single day several times a day. Sometimes I would just cry and other times I smiled ear to ear. This entire ordeal has been the hardest thing I have ever gone through. Harder then the adventure race I did with Mike Vine in Mexico. Harder then the three day mountain bike race I did with Courtney from one coast to the other in Costa Rica. The three hour Xterra races even pale in comparison to what I have gone through, am going through and still have to go through. It requires a new strength. One I didn't even know I had!
There have been so many times my brain has wanted to throw in the towel. I would think about how much pain I was in and still am in. Good thing I have so much heart. My heart is where my strength and faith come from. As bad as it gets and as frustrated as I feel I know I can and will get through this. Every single time I start to think I just can't do this God puts someone or something in my life to let me know I can. I can do this. I will walk again and I will fight harder then ever to get my leg moving!
I am so thankful for all of your emails during this time. Courtney has been reading them to me everyday. I have heard from some old friends and it has really brightened my day. As soon as I can sit I will be able to get back to all of you but right now it really is difficult for me to type. I have to stand and balance on my right leg. It gets pretty tiring after a few minutes! So keep the emails coming!
Powered By God,