Monday, July 28, 2008

New Strength

It hasn't been easy these past two weeks. In fact it has been a lot harder then the first surgery. The first time I lost my entire sciatic nerve so it was a true miracle I was walking. I didn't realize they had taken the entire nerve so I guess that was a good thing! This time around they took my entire glute muscle on the left side. Yes, the ENTIRE muscle. What does this mean? It means walking will be even more difficult for me.

Right now I can only stand or lay on my right side. This will be the case for at least four weeks. I have to allow the area to heal properly. That means no sitting at all. Balancing on my one leg becomes tiring after awhile so I find myself laying down most of the time. I have to have help getting up and going to the bathroom. Courtney installed some bars in the bathroom so I can at least take care of business on my own.

Walking right now is not easy. My knee is on overload and aches a lot when I walk too much. I am back to the walker so I can use my arms more and relieve some pressure on the leg. My hip is not strong at all. Without the muscle it is not being held in very well so I have to be careful how it is moved around. I have lost a lot more feeling in my leg. In fact I cannot feel the entire calf now. My leg is still swollen below the knee preventing me from wearing my brace or shoes. I have to walk outside with socks.

Life has been very frustrating for me. I feel like I am so much worse then I was before. I can remember just a short time ago I was praying and hoping I might return to my usual self. Now I just wish I were where I was before the surgery. I was coming to terms with my situation and things were progressing. Now I have another pitch fork in the program and it has really slowed me down. You could even say it has completely knocked me down but I am slowly getting up. Each day does get a little better!

Pastor Dan Perkins came to visit me in the hospital about a week after surgery. We talked a little about my situation. Then he wrote this on my message board:

Have you not heard? Have you never understood? The LORD is the EVERLASTING God! The creator of all the Earth. He never grows weary. No one can understand the depths of his understanding. He gives POWER to the weak and strength to the powerless. But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength!

They will soar high on wings of Eagles! They will RUN and not grow weary! They will walk and not faint!

ISA 40:28-31

I read this every single day several times a day. Sometimes I would just cry and other times I smiled ear to ear. This entire ordeal has been the hardest thing I have ever gone through. Harder then the adventure race I did with Mike Vine in Mexico. Harder then the three day mountain bike race I did with Courtney from one coast to the other in Costa Rica. The three hour Xterra races even pale in comparison to what I have gone through, am going through and still have to go through. It requires a new strength. One I didn't even know I had!

There have been so many times my brain has wanted to throw in the towel. I would think about how much pain I was in and still am in. Good thing I have so much heart. My heart is where my strength and faith come from. As bad as it gets and as frustrated as I feel I know I can and will get through this. Every single time I start to think I just can't do this God puts someone or something in my life to let me know I can. I can do this. I will walk again and I will fight harder then ever to get my leg moving!

I am so thankful for all of your emails during this time. Courtney has been reading them to me everyday. I have heard from some old friends and it has really brightened my day. As soon as I can sit I will be able to get back to all of you but right now it really is difficult for me to type. I have to stand and balance on my right leg. It gets pretty tiring after a few minutes! So keep the emails coming!

Powered By God,

Jamie

4 comments:

jake rhymes with cake said...

Jamie,

We're still praying for you out here in Nebraska. Most of my Alpha-Omega group is on a Missions Trip to the Southwestern U.S., but I know they have been diligent to pray for you, Courtney, and Pops. As a matter of fact, I will be updating them with the latest, so they will know how to pray effectively.

I HAVE NOT and WILL NOT cease to pray for you everyday, and as often as I think of you. As I said in my email, I even shaved my head to support your battle w/ cancer... I have myself trained to pray for you every time I rub my head... If you're bald now (I don't know) but if you are, I can imagine you being pretty cute w/ a G.I. JANE crew cut. ;) LOL!

A couple inspirational/worship songs you might want to check out: SAVE ME by Sonicflood; HEAVEN by Paul Wright & THERE IS A KINGDOM by Tree63. Awesome tunes!

I still need to get you a picture of my bald head. I took a photo of it the night I did it -- most of my friends didn't believe I would actually do it; boy were they shocked!

Anyhow, I'm rambling...

I'm really happy there was an update from you today. I was quite surprised! It actually made my night.

I know it's extremely rough right now for you. But believe me when I say that Almighty God is Sovereign and in control of every situation in the world ... everything is for God's Purpose -- including what you are going through. Just think, the God that calls the morning light and orchestrates every sunset and tells every tide how far to rise... THIS CREATOR GOD is in control of YOUR SITUATION. If you let Him, He will use this horrible evil disease to bring Himself Glory through His Son Jesus Christ. DO NOT FORGET WHERE YOUR HOPE LIES, JAMIE!!!

Do not be discouraged, this blog is being used by God too! Reading about what you're going through right now and how in the midst of it you are praising and holding-fast to God... WHAT A BLESSING TO ME!!! And imagine the numerous amounts of people who are reading your words and finding the courage to press on one more day; or if it causes them to question who Our Amazing God is...

YOU ARE DOING SO MUCH, JAMIE! KEEP LETTING GOD MOVE THROUGH YOU!!

Keep fighting! Keep enduring!

Grace and Peace to you,
Jake
PIC-Saipan ex-Clubmate

Anonymous said...

Hi Jamie:

I know it must be tough to type and keep this blog going but it was so great to open it up and see your words. I think of you daily and have been checking in here often.

I am sorry to hear that this has been so difficult on you but stay strong and keep doing what your doing. Embrace the good days and the bad ones, becuase the bad ones seem to be what we learn and grown from.

You have my # so if you are ever just bored there laying on your side call me...I always have my cell too, and I have my long drive, so I would love to talk (with my hands free of course :)

Xo Amy

Joe Schneider said...

Jamie,
I know we haven't met, but I heard of your story through Bill at Cannondale. I am a 14 year cancer survivor and think of you often. You are in my thoughts and prayers. If you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to email. Also, check out www.imermanangels.org I work with this great organization as well. Keep up the good spirits, you are a strong woman and I know you will kick cancer's ass.

Best,
Joe Schneider
joeschneider@allstate.com

Heather Szabo said...

Hey Jamie,
Remember Rampage Jackson kept beating on Forrest and Forrest just kept coming back. Remember, you are are Forrest!!
:) Heather