Jamie Whitmore Sidelined

Life after the big “C

2011-03-02T11:24:00.000-08:00

When I was diagnosed with cancer it was the biggest shock of my life! I couldn't think straight and I was in so much pain I couldn't comprehend anything. It's the type of news that takes your breath away. Fighting cancer is another story. It is a 24hr 7 days a week battle with no break. All of your time and energy goes into beating it!

So what happens after cancer? It is hard to go back to what you thought of as normal. You've just had a life altering pitch fork thrown into the mix and in my case had dramatic changes because of the cancer. My paralysis prevented me from returning to racing as a pro athlete. Then there was the arrival of the twins . . . a huge blessing but life altering again!

For 6 months after their birth I was a walking zombie. I was lucky to get 2hrs of sleep. It was very similar to the first year of cancer only I wasn't in any pain. I didn't have a clue to what I was doing. Thank goodness for natural instinct that got me through and my sheer tenacity to not crack under the pressure. There were times I would cry but just like the cancer I picked myself up and carried on. I didn't have a choice because two little ones were dependent on me.

Being new parents put a natural strain on my marriage. I'm sure cancer played its part as well. But thankfully we are blessed with many friends who stepped up and helped us through the difficult time. Then we lost our beloved chocolate lab Sandy. We all took her passing hard especially her daughter Rikki. She still mopes around looking for her. Sandy was there for me the whole time I was sick. Losing her was like losing a piece of me. I still break down every time I think about her and all the fun we had.

This summer Courtney and I were in search of something to do together. For 10 years we ran, swam and rode bikes. Without that there seemed to be a void . . . something missing. With my disability and competitiveness it wasn't going to be easy. And the winner was . . . WAKEBOARDING! Believe it or not I actually did pretty well. After one day of tweaking my stance on the board I was ripping around. Eventually I was jumping . . . yes JUMPING!! It was only a small jump but I got some air!

Things were going great! And then I spoke too soon! On Thanksgiving, God reminded us of what's most important when a stack of towels caught fire in our bathroom. We were lucky in so many ways. The first being no one (not even our dog) was home. The second was that both doors were closed so lack of oxygen smothered the fire before the entire house went up in flames. Instead we only had smoke damage. I shouldn't say "only" because it still left us homeless and needing to move into my dad's house until the house is fixed up. The one good thing that came out of all of this . . . I finally get my much needed disabled friendly bathroom! Woo Hoo!!

Living at my dad's meant Christmas at his house instead of ours. Not a problem until I had to truck all of my Christmas decorations down! I limited myself to only 3 boxes but it was still a lot! Just when things seemed to be going well . . . . Rikki went missing for over 18 hours in downtown Sacramento. Courtney decided to take her to work in the evening on one of his jobs. She got away from him in the blink of an eye. This was unlike her but since her mom died she hasn't been herself. When we finally found her it was apparent she had been hit by a car. She had a collapsed lung, fluid around the area and an enlarged stomach. They also thought she might have a fractured leg but we didn't have the money to x-ray so we treated her as if she did! They kept her overnight and she was on bed rest for the next 4-6 weeks. I was stressed and devastated! As if I needed this after everything I was enduring. I certainly needed to lean on God for even more strength and he delivered!

Before we knew it we were celebrating Ryder and Christian's FIRST birthday! In light of being a Dr. Seuss fan the theme of the party was Cat in the Hat. The boys were Thing 1 and Thing 2. We already had their homemade costumes from Halloween! Sixty-one people came to celebrate this momentous occasion. I'm sure there would have been more if we had the room! It was a joy to finally celebrate something wonderful! We were grateful to all the family and friends who showed up!

I've had two cancer scans since my last blog and both have been clean! What a blessing! We were able to get back to the ICTN camp this year. My favorite thing to do! Pastor Dan dedicated the boys in front of the campers! It was awesome!

While we were gone, Richard from Awake Ministries had a crew at our house installing a new roof. What an amazing job they did! I finally have a covered porch to walk under when it rains. This may not seem like a big deal but when you walk as slow as I do and have two little ones . . . you get the point!

This brings you all up to date. . . But I did forget one thing. It has been 3 years since the last time I rode a bike outdoors. A few weeks ago Courtney picked up a tandem from Sherwood at Ventana bikes and took me for a ride. There were so many things wrong (my brace wasn't stiff enough, bike was too small for both of us, my leg kept hitting the frame and my ankle was hitting the crank) but I didn't care because I was out riding and that is all that mattered!

Jamie

TIME FLIES

2010-06-23T14:18:00.001-07:00

I just wanted to give a quick update since I realized it has been over a month and people are probably wondering how everything is going! I just can't seem to find the time to do anything other then take care of the two little rug rats!

I went in for a cancer check-up in April and everything looks good. No sign of cancer! Yippee! Such a relief. I never used to worry about getting checked until I became a mom.

The boys are already 5 months old now and growing like weeds. Ryder is still smaller than Christian even though he is the older one. He has learned to roll over and I fear crawling is just around the corner. Every time I set him down he flips over and wiggles like crazy.

Christian is content laying on his back. He is so mellow he is not in a hurry for anything except food. He is grabbing his toys and holding them. he does this mostly with his left hand which is probably from the injury to his right shoulder at birth. The arm is ok and showing good strength but I think it has forced him to be a lefty!

They both laugh a lot and are pretty good babies. I still don't sleep much because there are two of them and one always demands my attention. I have had a little time (and energy) to get on the elliptical trainer and workout. I really needed this for my leg. It was getting seriously weak. I can tell a huge difference after only 3 weeks!

Today I hoped in the water for the first time and swam 1500yards. I felt like I bench pressed about 200lbs before jumping in. My arms were hating me big time. Hopefully I can get in the water at least twice a week because I really need it! Eventually I would like to get back on the bike but that will be a challenge. My lack of balance has me concerned. I know once I get on I will be fine . . . I just don't want to fall off!

It has been a year since they autotransplanted my kidney and everything is working great. I haven't had any problems at all! There was a little concern over whether or not I would be able to bend over or do ab workouts without pain and I am happy to say I can do all of it. i can't even tell I have a kidney in my pelvic area!

My biggest concern physically these days is finding a plastic surgeon to talk about my lack of a glute muscle. My back is really starting to be affected by my imbalance. I am pretty sure holding the boys while sitting isn't helping either. I have to set them down often because of my tailbone! I am praying I will be able to get an implant . . . but there is a big concern over whether my body will reject it due to the radiation! I will just have to pray about it and hope for the best!

I am hoping it won't take me as long the next time to fill you all in . . .

Until next time,

Where Does the Time Go?

2010-04-11T00:38:00.001-07:00

Change diapers, feed babies, and sleep when they sleep, wash clothes, wash bottles, change diapers, feed babies, and try to sleep when babies sleep. That pretty much sums up my days and nights! I honestly don't know where the time goes.

Since I last updated my blog a lot has gone on. I was audited by the IRS for 2007. I filed late because I was to sick with cancer and kidney infections. I must say the gentleman that got my case was extremely helpful. I ended up owing but only to social security but then I was penalized and charged interest for being late. I am currently fighting the penalty fee since I have a valid excuse and we did try to contact them for an additional extension.

While I was scrambling to get everything together for the audit I was then summoned for Jury Duty! No I am not joking . . . I was summoned. Thank goodness I have twins who are nursing and I am the sole care giver so I was able to get out of that. Then there is the problem of me not being able to sit for long periods of time. I don't think the court would allow me to lie down in the middle of proceedings!

With those two big things happening I was waiting for my third thing to hit but it didn't seem to . . . at least not yet! I could be in for something wild to come!

The twins are growing like weeds. Christian is already 10lbs and 6oz and his older brother Ryder is 10lbs! I'm still not getting much sleep since Christian likes to stay up late and Ryder likes to get up early. The only time at night they both sleep is from 2-5am. Thank goodness my Dad is still helping out with the night shift so that I can catch a quick 4hrs!

Christian saw the specialist again for his shoulder and everything looks great. The doctor was surprised at how well he was lifting and holding up his head. This is quite an accomplishment for a preemie since they start out behind the curve. We don't have to go back to this doctor until September to make sure he is gaining strength in the arm and not favoring it! I will be praying every day that he continues to make progress.

I decided to have their tongues clipped to prevent future problems like speech and to make it easier for them to nurse. It was such a quick procedure and they recovered in 5 min. I was so excited to see them stick their tongues out (I may not like this later on!) It was funny to watch because they were never able to do this before and they just kept sticking their tongues out!

April 6^th marked their 3 month birthday. I was hoping it would mean they would sleep a little longer since that is what everyone keeps telling me but then I realized I probably have to go by their gestational age which means I have another 5 and a half weeks. With preemies, for the first 2 years, you have to go by their gestational age for all the milestones. (Gestational age is when they were supposed to be born!)

I have been working (in what little spare time I have) with one of my athletes on getting my coaching website up and running. Right now it is just a home page until I put together all the info for it. I have to work on package pricing, sponsors, training tips, athlete testimonials and so much more. If you have any suggestions please send them my way. You can check it out at www.gutzytricoaching.com!

Training has been impossible to do with no sleep. I haven't had physical therapy or lifted weights since I was hospitalized back in November. Hopefully I will be able to start doing SOMETHING soon because my leg is incredibly weak and these boys are getting big. They are going to be crawling and walking before I know it. I need to get a jump on them so I can catch them if I have to. Right now they would run circles around me!

I am hoping to get started on my book this summer. Everyone keeps urging me to write so I figure I better do it while people are still interested in reading it! I know I have a story here . . . one that I couldn't make up if I wanted to!

Christian is awake and needing my attention (at 12:30am) so I have to go! As soon as I get a chance I will update again! In the meantime you can find me on facebook for my daily updates!

Jamie

CHANGE HAPPENS

2010-02-15T17:22:00.001-08:00

Whether we like it or not change happens. Three years ago I was racing around the world as one of the top female Xterra athletes and now I find myself surviving parenthood (and I thought battling Cancer was tough!)

Once again, it has been awhile since I last updated my blog . . . the joys of being a mom. I haven't slept since the boys were born. They spent two weeks in the NICU. I was there every day all day long. I would have stayed in the evenings if I didn't need the rest! Both boys started out on bubbles but were taken off in less than a day. They needed feeding tubes for about a week and a half and they had some trouble regulating their temperature. Besides that, they were doing well.

Being in the NICU was beneficial to Courtney and me. The nurses (especially the night nurses) were awesome. They taught us so much, from bathing to feeding and burping. I even took a baby basics and Infant CPR class to make sure I was ready. Many of our friends who were first time parents said it was a little scary being sent home with a newborn and having no clue what to do. I didn't have that problem because I watched the nurses very carefully and did most of the daily stuff myself.

Once the boys were able to feed on their own they got to come home. We stayed at my in-laws for a week to be close to the hospital in case something went wrong. Once we were comfortable we headed home. This is where we have been for the last two and a half weeks.

The boys were circumcised a little over a week ago. The boys survived it (and so did I.) Then Ryder was having trouble gaining weight. We discovered it was because he (and Christian) are tongue tied. That is where the front of the tongue is connected to the bottom of your mouth by a piece of skin. We started bottle feeding him and he quickly put the weight on. Now I need to decide whether or not to clip the piece of skin or just bottle feed him and see if it stretches down the road. I'm leaning towards the clipping!

I am happy to say both boys have reached and passed the 6 pound mark so they no longer fit into their preemie clothing. They are still a little small for some of the newborn clothing but I have a feeling they will outgrow it in a month.

The boys like to be awake at night which means I never sleep . . . thankfully Courtney and my Dad have been a huge help. My mom and in-laws have also been extremely helpful with things like buying diapers and fixing dinners.

Recently Courtney brought home a cold and passed it on to everyone even though I had him wearing a mask. I believe it is because I caught him a few times holding Christian without a mask. Now poor Christian is really congested. It kills me to hear him breathe. I try to suck out all the garbage but I can only get so much!

As hard as life has been the last two years I continue to feel blessed. How often do you become a World Champion, Survive Cancer and then become a parent? In a million years I would have never seen myself where I am today. It is a constant reminder that God is in control and I am right where I am supposed to be.

Jamie

BABIES HAVE ARRIVED

2010-01-10T11:24:00.001-08:00

First of all Happy New Year!

Ryder and Christian were born on January 6th at 3:47pm and 3:52pm. Ryder weighed 4lbs 7oz and Christian weighed 4lbs 8oz!

Both are in NICU and doing well. They were on bubbles for less then a day which is great but they are having trouble feeding on their own from a bottle. They both have to have feeding tubes to help get the calories in. They are also having trouble regulating their own temperature. They were getting cold until I brought in some fleece outfits for them. They seem to be doing better now. Ryder did have a big heart rate drop last night but he was able to recover on his own. They will be watching him closely for the next 7 days. Christian has some nerve damage in his right shoulder. The doctors are not sure if it is temporary or permanent. He will have to go through physical therapy no matter what. We are praying it will correct itself in a few weeks!

I will update again as soon as I get some rest. I have been spending a lot of time at the hospital visiting the boys. Some days are really hard for me to see them there after everything I went through and with the news of Christian's shoulder but I am hanging in there and staying strong. I didn't come this far to fall apart now!

Please pray for both the boys and their quick recovery so they can come home soon! And please pray God continues to give me strength to keep it together! It has been a rough road but God has rewarded me and I feel truly blessed!

Jamie

STILL PREGNANT AND STILL HOSPITALIZED

2009-12-22T19:31:00.001-08:00

Well, I made it to 32 week which is a huge milestone. The doctors were afraid I wouldn't make it this far. God has been good!

Constant bed rest has been difficult but I am coping well. The hardest part is the fact that my bad leg has such bad atrophy. When I get up to use the bathroom I have to be really careful, especially at night. I have already stumbled a few times. I get to take a shower every other day which may not seem like much but it is a chance for me to sit even if only for 5 minutes. My hips are getting really sore but so far no bed sores. I am careful to constantly change positions throughout the day!

As I get bigger, I find it harder to get out of bed. The sad thing is that I am still pretty small. My nurses say it looks like I swallowed a basketball. The doctors aren't sure where I am hiding the babies especially since they are average size for twins at this stage and both have plenty of fluids to move around. The last measurement was Monday and has one weighing 3lbs 11oz, and the other 4lbs 1oz! Everyone is really happy with their progress.

My days are filled with lots of television, cards games with my dad, movie day (yes the entire day) with Courtney, football on Sunday and lots of visitors dropping by when they can. The only time I am truly bored is when there is nothing on television but repeats!

I am learning a lot about preemie babies every time we visit the neonatal unit. It was scary the first time we went at 29 weeks but the last time was much more encouraging. If I can make it to 34 weeks the twins will not be in the hospital for very long. 5 weeks ago it seemed like I might not make it but now that goal seems attainable. If this were like one of my races I would have it in the bag, but it isn't and I have no idea when my body is going to say "It's time!"

It looks like I will be spending Christmas in the hospital but my family is coming to visit and I have been given "outside privileges" which means I can got out side for a little while in a wheelchair. I am super excited about this because my dad is bringing my dogs and I will finally get to see them after 4 weeks. To me (other then healthy babies) this is the best Christmas present I could ask for! I love my dogs and I know they miss me. Every night when my dad gets home after visiting me he says they look around the house hoping to find me and when they don't they go into my room and lay down. How sad is that?

This hospital visit has been such a better experience which makes it bearable. I know I am incredibly blessed and everything will work out. All the stress I was feeling over the past 5 months has calmed down. Ultimately I know my life is in God's hands and he just keeps adding to my testimony. When I share my story with people I truly feel I finally have a happy ending. As much as my desire was to run or bike again, I have found my purpose right now. The opportunity to ride again will always be there and if I am meant to run again I will!

I hope all of you have a truly blessed Christmas . . . I know I will!

Jamie

Back to the Hospital

2009-12-03T12:25:00.001-08:00

I guess it was just a matter of time before I ended up back in the hospital. I had a good run . . . 6 months! Everything was going well until I went into preterm labor a few weeks ago. I was right around 27 weeks. It was Friday, November 13th and I started having really bad pelvic pain. After about 20min we called the doctor but couldn't wait for him to call back so my Dad and I hoped in the car and headed to the hospital.

We didn't get very far when we were pulled over by a policeman. My dad was frantic trying to get the officer to understand our rush. I was crying and in a lot of pain. He immediately called an ambulance and made us wait on the side of the freeway. I was pretty upset because I knew we would make it to the hospital faster then waiting for an ambulance. While we were waiting my dad was getting a lecture on how he should slow down because he could get us killed. The officer went on asking why we didn't go to a hospital that was closer or Kaiser. Through my tears I said because Sutter Memorial is expecting us and they have the best neonatal unit if I delivered that minute. Besides I am not part of Kaiser and I would end up paying an arm and a leg if I went there. My dad was pretty frustrated at this point since we had been sitting there for at least 10minutes. The officer kept reassuring us the ambulance was on the way. Apparently policemen no longer guide drivers to the hospital so that option was out and he would not let us just drive ourselves but slower.

Eventually the ambulance came (I wonder how much that will cost me.) They assessed the situation and loaded me up on their rig. Once I got to the hospital my dad arrived about 5 minutes later driving very carefully. I was immediately hooked up to monitors that showed me contracting and the heart beats of the twins. The on call doctor came in the room to examine me. The pain was easing up at this point. Just as I was thinking to myself that I should have stayed home the doctor told me I was 3cm dilated. He said it was good I came in. I was immediately given a shot of steroids to help the lungs of the twins develop if I delivered in the next few days. I was also given magnesium for the twins and some other meds to help stop the contractions. I had to stay in the hospital for at least 48hrs to be observed and then the doctors would decided what to do.

To complicate things even more, my baby shower was scheduled for Sunday. We planned on having it early to avoid the exact situation I was in. Thank goodness the hospital had a big room on the 7th floor and allowed me to have my baby shower right there. This way they would be able to monitor me and I could stay in bed. Courtney, my best friend Kacey, my sister Trina and my mother-in-law Denise began calling everyone to explain the situation and change of venue. They managed to remember almost everyone. Our good friend Diane Felt drove all the way to my sister's house where she was greeted by my brother-in-law who explained everything and directed her to the hospital.

It was nice to see everyone and I was happy I didn't miss my own baby shower. We got a lot of neat things. I was surprised at how many pieces of clothing we got for boys! Most of them were for newborns so we have to take a bunch back to the store and get bigger sizes. Probably the most memorable piece of clothing was from the Felt family (my former bike sponsor). They had special shirts made that had a bike and a cross on the front and Powered By God on the back. I almost cried. It was so perfect and so me!

Monday rolled around and the doctors came in to tell me to be prepared to camp out at the hospital because I wasn't going home any time soon. They needed to make sure my contractions stopped and I needed to constantly be monitored. I almost broke down with this news. I've already spent so much time in and out of the hospital the last thing I wanted to do was spend more time. It is one thing if this was the first time I was having to do this but it wasn't. I just spent the last year and a half battling cancer and going through surgeries. This was difficult for me to take but at the same time I knew the importance of being there so I sucked it up. To make things worse there are only 4 private rooms which meant I might be getting a roommate. There was only one T.V. and the bathroom was not handicap accessible. It was a lot to deal with!

Wednesday morning one of the doctors came in to tell me he didn't see why I couldn't go home on complete bed rest since I had my dad to care for me. This was great news! I just had to come back to the hospital 2 days a week to be monitored. I didn't care, anything was better then being couped up in a hospital room!

I was home for a week and a half. I was able to spend Thanksgiving with my family and I did exactly as I was told. I only got up to go to the bathroom and take a short shower every other day. I was on meds to help keep the contractions at bay and as long as I didn't have more then 6 in 1 hour I was good to go!

The Friday after Thanksgiving, Courtney drove me to the hospital to be monitored. We brought the dogs along so they could get out. After about 20minutes the lady who was monitoring my contractions asked if I felt all those contractions. I said I felt a few and asked why? She said because I was having them every 2-3minutes. I knew this was not good. She immediately called my doctor who then told her to send me to labor and delivery to be evaluated. I had to get a shot to try and stop the contractions. After a few hours they readmitted me to the hospital on the high risk floor. I was back in a room hoping I wouldn't get a roommate. I knew this time there would be no going home. I would be stuck in the hospital for the duration of my pregnancy.

The contractions were occurring close together every morning and sometimes in the evening so I continued to get shots. The shots make me really jittery. My heart rate speeds up and my arms start shaking. I then have the option to take more meds to counter that but they made me sleepy so I passed on them the second time around.

I will be at 30 weeks this Saturday which will be a huge milestone. I have to make it to 30 weeks. Then the goal will be 32 weeks. The doctors aren't sure how long I can hold these babies in but they are hopeful. I got an ultrasound on Monday and it showed both babies over 3lbs. Twin A is 3.1 and Twin B is 3.5. They were surprised at how big they were for how small I still looked. There are also plenty of fluids for the two of them to move around. I just have to keep them from coming out to early!

I ended up getting moved to a private room sooner then I expected. I think the nurses could tell it was going to be difficult for me to go to the bathroom with another person in the room and it was a bit of a walk to the shower. Now I have a slightly bigger bathroom and shower right in my room. Things are definitely looking up! I have a view of the side of a building and not much sun but at least I have my own room! It is the small pleasures in life that keep us going!

I have been praying every night that these babies stay in my tummy as long as possible. Please pray they continue to grow and avoid coming out too early!

Jamie

The Ups and Downs of Pregnancy

2009-11-08T21:05:00.001-08:00

These past few weeks have been full of ups and downs which is probably why it has taken me so long to update. Where should I begin?

I have been asked to speak at several different places about my story which is great. The first was a group of junior high BMX riders. The next was a group of young adults at Capital Christian called Epic Life. That was amazing. I think it was my best one to date. My dad even said, "I lived through it, read all of your blogs, listened to you tell your story numerous times and I never get tired of it!" It really was a pleasure for me to share my testimony and add some humor. I had them laughing and crying at the same time! I really feel this is the direction God is leading me.

Swimming is continuing to go well. My leg is remaining fairly strong with rehab and light weights. I know the elliptical is helping out with this as well. Every once in awhile I lose my balance but mostly I am walking better than expected. The balance thing usually gets me at night when I can't see and I really need to go to the bathroom. I start to sit down and fall forward. I have to laugh because it is pretty funny!

I finally got a call from my oncologist about my MRI from a month and a half ago. He said everything looks good no sign of cancer! That really made my day. I have now cleared three scans and it has been over a year since my second surgery. Things are definitely looking up.

I am having some trouble getting comfortable. The more weight I gain from the twins the more pressure on my tailbone (which is still not healed) when I sit. Lying down is not much better especially on my bad side and I can't lie on my back which leaves only my right. After awhile I feel too much pressure on the kidney making it painful until I move. I am reading a book about things to expect while pregnant but it doesn't really address all the extra things with my disability. I can't complain though because I am still walking and that is a blessing!

The only real disturbing news came from the specialist I see for my pregnancy. They are a little concerned about my cervical opening. Right now it is right at 2.5 which means I will most likely be hospitalized about 2-3 weeks before my scheduled c-section. I go back next week to have it remeasured and if it is any smaller I will have to go into the hospital even sooner. Apparently this is common in pregnancies with multiples and there is no explanation nor is there anything I can do about it. They are still allowing me to swim and rehab my leg but no heavy lifting (I already knew that one!) I am definitely dreading the possibility of ending up back in the hospital. My veins are dried up and I just spent the last year and a half in and out of hospitals. You could say I am pretty sick of them! I was prepared to handle maybe a week after the c-section but 2-3weeks before, maybe more . . . Yikes!

Courtney and my Dad have been hard at work fixing up the boys' room. We are going with a desert camo theme. It looks dope!

Please pray that the twins hang in there safely and don't join us until their time and please pray I don't have to go into the hospital until absolutely necessary!

Jamie

A Child’s Prayer

2009-10-05T18:12:00.001-07:00

There is nothing like a child's prayer. It is so heartfelt and pure.

Last week I went to speak to an Awana kids group at Sierra Bible Church. It is something I have done every year for the past five or six years just before the Xterra USA Championship. There is a bike race and then we gather the kids together so I can talk about racing and how important God has been in my life. I missed last year because I was still in the hospital so it felt good to be back.

I shared what has been going on for the past year and a half and how God's strength has seen me through it all. The children listened closely for 20 minutes then asked question afterwards. In the end three volunteered to stand up and pray for me. Their words were touching and inspiring. I would like to thank Clif Bar for donating Zbars and Twisted Fruit. The kids loved them!

I am now five months along and showing. Walking is still difficult and only going to get harder as I get bigger. The doctors aren't sure if I will end up in a wheelchair or just needing a walker. They encourage me to keep up the strength in my left leg. This isn't as easy as it sounds. I took a few days off of the elliptical and weights and my leg suffered. It is amazing how quickly it goes into atrophy without a nerve and glute muscle. It usually means I have to work that much harder to get back what I lost. I think that is the biggest difference these days when I work out. It isn't about training or putting the mileage in . . . it is about maintaining the mobility of my barely functioning leg. People are always saying I am doing a lot but the reality is if I don't use it I will lose it! And if you have seen me walking you know how difficult and labored it already is!

My tailbone is still healing. After a year I thought it would be fine but I am still having trouble sitting for longer than 45minutes. The memory foam pillow is helping a lot. The doctors aren't sure about the long term effects on my back with how lopsided I am. So far I am trying everything I possibly can to prevent future trouble. We are trying to have an outside gel pack made to put in place of the missing muscle. It would be like a wonder bra but only for one side.

Things have been looking up and I am continually blessed by family and friends who have shown so much support!

Jamie

Keeping It Together

2009-09-28T13:26:00.001-07:00

In these tough times it is easy for our faith to be tested. I feel that way everyday. I wonder how I am going to make ends meet when I can't really work. Because I am so young it is going to be hard to get disability and yet I have to do something. Courtney and I have truly been blessed through the past year and a half with so much support from everyone. We are so grateful!

This past weekend we took a trip to Utah to help me feel better and get away. We went to watch the Xterra USA Championship race. It was exciting and rewarding to see everyone. It was also a little sad because it was another race where I was sitting on the sideline instead of racing. I did get to announce a little which was great but it would be even better if I could make a living at it. I have been trying to contact some folks to see if they will hire me next year but no word yet! I guess I have to be the squeaky wheel and get my foot in the door.

A good friend of ours GL Brown is putting together a fundraiser at the Xterra World Championship। He has been growing his hair long all year and is going to have it cut at the Paul Mitchell Cut-a-thon in opes of getting a lot of donations। Right now he is asking everyone to join his cause and donate one dollar. He wants to get thousands of people involved around the world and make this happen. I should have more info soon if anyone wants to get involved. Right now it is about passing the word along. Thanks GL for the help! If you would like to donate or learn more, please click here.

Every day seems like a struggle but the goal is always the same . . . just get through and maybe tomorrow will be better! I have been praying for God's strength. I know he has a plan for me but sometimes it is hard to completely trust. Lately I have prayed that he helps me with that. I think that is the hardest part for everyone, to stop trying to be in control and trust God. In the end I know he will provide so why am I so worried?

Jamie

It's Boys

2009-09-22T09:18:00.001-07:00

We found out we are having boys! Courtney is very excited and I am still overwhelmed. I am going to be out number unless you count our two female dogs!

Don't gt me wrong I am excited but the stress of paying bills is keep me up at night and not eating much. I pray that everything will work out but I am still worried. With me not working things are really tight and the medical bills seem to keep rolling in. I don't like checking the mail any more. I can't imagine if I didn't have insurance because with it you still pay an arm and a leg!

I guess I will have to pursue coaching a little harder and really sit down to write my book. I need some source of income to help out. I would really love to announce more races as well because it would allow my family to watch the kids while I worked. I know I am not the only one in this position with the way the economy is. I just wish I were still able to work the way I used to! Any ideas out there??

Please continue to keep me in your prayers . . . that everything works out the way it is supposed to!

Wow . . . I'm having BOYS!!!

Jamie

The Simple Things

2009-09-15T21:42:00.001-07:00

When I look back over the course of the last year and a half it is hard to believe what has transpired. There were times when life barely seemed to move. I often think about how much pain I was in and how hard it has been to fight to get back to "normal." No matter how still time seemed to stand, life does go on. I am living proof of that!

It is true that you never look at life in the same way when a traumatic event happens. These days I find myself watching how people move. It could be in a yoga class, riding a bike or running. I think about how simple the movements look and wonder why it is so difficult for me? Do people realize how lucky they are?

This past weekend I drove to Pacific Grove with my Dad to help announce the triathlon. I needed to do something and terry Davis was kind enough to give me the opportunity to work with some awesome people. With Xterra races always starting at 10:30am, I was not used to being ready to go at 6:30 but I managed. I began with Julie Moss, an Ironman legend, at the swim start. She introduced a few of the athletes in each wave and got the spectators pumped up while I informed the athletes of how much time before each start. I also did the count down before the horn! It was so much fun and very busy. We worked really well together!

Once we sent all the waves I migrated over to the bike tower where I worked with Nick Tuttle. We called off names as the bikers lapped around us. I had to climb a ladder to get to the top of the ladder. We weren't sure if I could make it up but some how I managed. Don't ask me how because I am still trying to figure that out! For the elite riders I explained why they were able to draft and not the age groupers along with other tid bits of information. I was starting to find my niche! Towards the end of the race I was at the finish line tower bringing home the athletes after a hard days work.

I also helped with the awards which gave me an opportunity to share my story with a bunch of new people. It was a long day and i enjoyed every minute of it.

The next day for the sprint distance it was pretty much the same thing except I was able to go solo in the bike tower for awhile. I am not going to lie, I was a bit nervous at first but I got comfortable pretty quickly! I had to sit a lot because of being pregnant. I find myself out of breathe and feeling dizzy which the doctor says is normal. It may be normal but I am not used to feeling that way. I like to go, go, go!

As we drove home Sunday afternoon, I knew I had found something I enjoyed. I only hope I get hired to do more races!

As the nausea gets better I am able to do more and more. My swimming is up to 2500-3000 yards 3-4 days a week. I just found out my elliptical trainer should be arriving within the week. Thank you Matrix and Cal Fit for making this happen. The more I use the elliptical machine the stronger my leg gets. Not to mention it is easier to workout on it then it is to walk. I can hardly wait!

I am now 18 weeks along and still barely showing. Most folks at the race didn't even know until I told them. Some thought my stomach was just bloated from the surgery. I had to laugh . . . my stomach has never been this big. According to the doctors every thing is fine and my first two blood tests have come back negative for any problems. It doesn't mean there are none, but it is a good indicator that things are doing well so far. I keep praying the twins are healthy both physically and mentally. That is all I care about.

We are hoping to find out the sex of both by next week so my next update should be informing everyone what we are having. Make sure you check my website!

Tomorrow I head to San Fransisco for a cancer scan. I can only get an MRI and I am praying it comes back negative. Please pray for no cancer!!

Until next time,

Jamie

SHOCKING BUT SURPRISING

2009-08-31T10:16:00.001-07:00

Over the last year and a half I went from being a professional triathlete to fighting cancer and becoming disabled. My life has completely changed. Just when I thought I was adapting pretty well I got hit with more life altering news. The doctors figured out why I have been so nauseous since my last surgery . . . I'm pregnant . . . with TWINS!

You read it correctly I am pregnant with twins and due sometime in late January, early February. When I first got the news I was pretty shocked. Even more shocked when they told me there were two. Both of them went through the surgery with me so they are already proving to be pretty tough.

I am trying to adjust to the idea of this but there is a huge overwhelming feeling lingering over me. By the time I am ready to deliver it will be less than two years that I had three major surgeries, cancer and almost died from a kidney infection. But I take great comfort in knowing this latest news is great news. We were so scared that my kidney was being rejected in the new location and that I might need another surgery. Thank goodness that is not the case!

I am still having a lot of issues with nausea and headaches even though I am already in the second trimester (16 weeks along.) The anti-nausea meds help but some days I can't move from the couch. I am hoping this will not last the entire pregnancy. I have already been through so much. I am already dreading the fact that they have to perform a C-section. I will have to be cut open once again and this time I will be awake and strapped down. This is freaking me out!

I also spend some days wondering, "How am I going to do this?" How am I going to walk in a few more months? I already have poor balance and I don't want to end up in a wheelchair. Thank goodness my physical therapist is making sure I am strong enough in my core and quad so that I don't need the wheelchair. I may need the walker but at least I will still be walking on my own. Then there is the question where so we put them? We need Extreme Home Makeover now more than ever. We only have two bedrooms and one bath. This is going to be interesting. And last but not least our financial situation. I am still paying off medical bills, trying to save enough to make our bathroom more disabled friendly and now we have more medical bills and two little ones coming. It is very stressful for me. I have to constantly remind myself that I am not in control and God will provide. It usually calms me down! Besides at least we are getting a 2 for 1 on the maternity deal!

So that is the latest and greatest news. It is definitely shocking since we didn't expect this. We didn't even think we would be able to conceive on our own which is why we spent a bundle on harvesting eggs. I guess we didn't need them but at least it is better to be safe than sorry. What a surprise! Who said God didn't have a sense of humor?

And my story seems to continue . . . .

Jamie

BACK AT IT!

2009-08-22T12:14:00.001-07:00

I am happy to inform everyone that I have been doing really well lately. I made my way back to the gym where I have been putting in about 2hrs of various things like elliptical trainer for 20-30min, weights for 40min then swimming for about 2500y. It has been great. I almost feel normal again except for the limp!

At first it was hard. My legs were so week form 2 months of lying on the couch. Even swimming felt awkward. But after a week, things started to get better especially with swimming. It feels wonderful to be back in the pool. It had been a year since the last time I was able to swim and with the hot summer the timing couldn't have been better.

My strength is getting better each week and it has only been 3 weeks. It is always the first hurdle you have to get over before things start to come around. I am able to vacuum which is not my favorite thing. This may not seem like much but one month after surgery I could barely push the vacuum across the rug! I had to have my Dad come up and help clean my house. Thanks Dad!

These days I am getting to the gym about 3 days a week and resting the other days. I am hoping to be getting a special elliptical trainer for my home so I can work out more. We also have our endless pool up and running so I have been using that. What a great tool to watch my stroke more closely. One of my athletes will be up next month for a training camp and we will be able to video tape and analyze his stroke. I am very excited to finally be able to do that!

In the meantime I am sorting through about 2 years of paper work and rereading all the cards everyone sent me while I was battling cancer. It is nice to look back and see how far I have come especially when I get frustrated with my situation.

Thank you so much for your continued support and prayers!

Jamie

PS I've already sold one bike. . . 4 to go!

IS THE WORST BEHIND ME?

2009-07-31T16:33:00.001-07:00

It's hard to believe it has been almost 8 weeks since my surgery. I am finally feeling better after 6 weeks of nausea and vomiting. I couldn't do much more then lay on the couch and eat chicken noodle soup with saltine crackers. I lost a bunch of weight and became very weak.

At first it was just mild nausea that stopped me from walking but then it turned into not being able to keep anything down. We ended up in the ER to make sure my kidney wasn't shutting down or the cancer had come back. After 9 hours I was finally seen and several tests were run to rule out things. Thankfully nothing serious was wrong so they gave me anti-nausea meds and sent me home.

For the next several weeks it was pretty much the same thing. I didn't move from the couch except to use the restroom and try to go into town to do physical therapy. The meds were slowly kicking in. I stopped all other meds just to make sure it wasn't a drug interaction again. Maybe that is what helped. Either way things started to look up. I was moving around the house more, starting to make my own food and I was sitting up. It is funny how we relish in the small accomplishments!

Last Thursday I had to drive to UCSF to see my urologist, Dr. Stoller for a follow-up and to have the stent in my ureter removed. It was supposed to be a simple 5 minute procedure which turned into 20 minutes because they couldn't find the stent. They had a camera enter through my urethra into my bladder to look for the surgical sight. It was pretty cloudy in there so they flushed it several times. Eventually Dr. Stoller himself had to take a look. He couldn't find the stent either. AT this point the doctors were wondering if the stent was even left in there by the transplant doctors. After another 5 minutes of flushing me with a catheter they decided I must have already passed it out and didn't know it. I was just glad they were out of my bladder.

The drive home was rough. My bladder was severely irritated but every time I tried to go it was just a drip or two. When I finally did have to go it was very painful. I kept drinking fluids hoping to flush my system. It took 12hrs for the pain to subside. In the grand scheme of things that is a short time after everything I have been through. I decided I would rather not have that type of procedure again!

The day after that I had to take our older dog to the vet for a biopsy of a lump on the inside of her front leg. It was a long weekend s we waited for the results to come back. I prayed all weekend it wasn't cancer because I have already had my fill of it. Thankfully Monday the results came back showing a fatty tumor. The vet sent off for a second biopsy because she did not like the amount of cells she saw. Now we are waiting for those results hoping they are the same.

As I begin to feel better I am doing more. I am actually swimming again which is a great feeling. The only problem is that the bottoms don't fit me with a glute missing. I have one pair of boy short bottoms which seem to do the trick. I may end up wearing men's bottoms if they make them small enough. At this point I don't care . . . anything is better than a suit that rides up on one side and I don't even know it because I can't feel it! Besides there are enough things about me that will make people stare more than men's swim suit bottoms!

Now that things are slowly resuming back to normal I should be able to keep everyone better updated. Hopefully the worst is behind me and I truly can move forward!

Thank you to everyone who has been concerned about my well-being and Thank you for all the continued prayers. It is always nice to hear from you!

Jamie

The Long Week

2009-06-19T10:23:00.001-07:00

Monday:

I was scheduled for surgery at 7:30am. I was one of the first patients to arrive but the last to go in for my operation. There was a miscommunication with the anesthesiologist who didn't show up so we had to wait. It was a good thing because one of my best buddies was running late and this allowed him to see me as my "brother."

I had to get an IV in my left leg (the bad one) in order to administer the medicine that knocks you out because the veins in my arms were not suitable. They are extremely messed up from the radiation and the hundreds of IV's that have already been stuck in me.

When I woke up, Courtney was standing over me asking me how I was doing. I was so tired, but happy to see his face. Then two by two my family and friends came in to see me before they had to leave. The surgery took almost eight hours. I kept trying to pull up my gown to show everyone my incisions but they were covered with bandages. I could hear Kacey and my mother-in-law Denise laugh at me because they knew I was proud of my scars!

Eventually I was taken to my room . . . I couldn't believe it, I was back in 13 long. This is the floor that I recovered in the last two surgeries and I was stoked to be back with the 42inch plasma televisions. That is all I was hoping for (next to being able to pee on my own when I woke up.) I slept for the rest of the evening.

Tuesday:

Early in the morning the doctors and interns made their rounds. They came to see how I was doing and let me know the procedure was successful. Dr. Stoller was very happy because the kidney fired up right away. This is a good thing he said. He then informed me that Thursday they would take out the catheter and see how it goes. He advised me to get out of bed and start walking. I looked at him and said "Maybe tomorrow." He looked at me with his eyebrows scrunched together as I explained walking with my walker would require more of my abdominals and I am in too much pain. He then said fine but you need to get up and walk tomorrow. I promised I would and then they all left to continue their rounds. The rest of the day was spent watching T.V. and sleeping. I was in a lot of pain when I tried to move and my stomach was starting to swell. That night I prayed the pain would get better and that I would get out of the hospital soon.

Wednesday:

I got up with Courtney's help but when I tried to walk with the walker the IV in my left wrist was sticking me. I couldn't put pressure on that hand making it difficult to take a step. Finally we called in the nurse and had her remove the IV. It was so much better and I was able to walk a short lap around the hospital floor. About four hours later I walked a full lap and that evening I walked another full lap. It was incredibly painful and hard to walk but I knew it had to be done.

At some point my catheter got a kink in it and my stomach started to become distended. It was becoming increasingly painful. The PCA came in and started to move the bag around until it allowed my bladder to drain. I thought my stomach was going to split open where they super glued my incisions.

Thursday:

The doctors removed my catheter and an hour later I began to pee on my own. It was great . . . no more drain in my back and no more catheter. I felt so free! I decided I wanted to shower, so Courtney helped me clean up. It felt good to finally have water run down my back.

I walked two laps in the morning and in the afternoon. I was hunched over like an old person and I was shuffling my feet but I had to walk. The gas pains were getting worse. My stomach was getting bigger and bigger and I wasn't getting any relief. I knew it was a matter of time but it was so painful. It felt like the gas was pushing on my incisions trying to escape that way instead of the proper way!

Friday:

Still no passing of gas so more walking. Two laps in the morning and two laps in the afternoon. Why wasn't it leaving my body? I could feel it moving all around inside me but it just wasn't escaping. I walked two more laps in the evening and tried to sit for awhile but still nothing. Finally I broke down and took the suppository. It was horrible. Things should not go in only out in that area. It actually helped. I was able to pass a little gas but that was it. I couldn't leave the hospital until I could keep solid food down and have a bowl movement. Great, when was that going to happen?

Saturday:

I continued to walk and explore different parts of the hospital. As I walked with Courtney I told him I didn't think all of this was making me stronger. I felt like I was already strong and that is how I was surviving. Instead, all of this was making me more ornery, stubborn and feisty! He laughed and so did I!

We watched all sorts of movies on cable getting up to walk during commercials. Still no further progress but I was on solid foods! Yeah! Pastor Dan stopped by to say Hi and bring Courtney food from McDonalds. He got me some fires. How delicious when you have been living on chicken broth and cranberry juice for five days.

I finally drank prune juice which was horrible. I do not know how people drink that. I was barely able to get three quarters down. Yikes!

Finally that night I started passing gas and had a bowl movement. "Yes, I get to go home tomorrow!"

Sunday:

In the morning the doctors came in to say they were going to keep me another day. I opened up my eyes and said, "I pooed three times last night, I want to go home." The doctors laughed and said OK we will get your discharge papers.

My stomach was still bloated and it felt like someone punched me in my gut but I wanted to go home. When we left I walked out with my cane. They tried to offer me a wheelchair but I wanted to walk out on my own. I held Courtney's arm and off we went. It was a long and slow walk to the parking garage but I did it. As we left our bill was $160. Thank goodness for my handicap parking pass because we parked for free. Yippee!

Now I am home trying to recover quickly. I am so thankful everything turned out well. I've been praying that it would. God has continued to bless me. The hospital bills are starting to roll in again since it is a new year. Things are becoming increasingly tight once more but I know everything will work out. We will begin selling a bunch of bikes, I am picking up more clients and doing more guest speaking. Now that my final surgery is over I can prepare to launch my coaching site. God is always there watching over me!

Jamie

still here!

2009-06-13T12:18:00.001-07:00

Hello,
Jamie is doing well, we are still here at UCSF and hopeing we get to go home soon. The kidney transplant went like clockwork.As soon as Jamie's bowels fire up she should be on her way home. On a side note, anyone out there in the suspension industry we need some asstance with making a bike brace for Jamie. Thanks Courtney

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THIRD TIMES A CHARM

2009-06-08T01:50:00.000-07:00

(At least I hope so!)

Here we go again. In just a few hours I will be going under the knife for a third time. This surgery is bittersweet. I am very excited to get rid of this drain but worried the new placement of my kidney will not be very comfortable for my active life!

I have been traveling for the past few weeks race announcing and as a guest speaker. The first as I mentioned before was in Michigan and it was a lot of fun. I was then able to visit my uncle in Northern Alabama before heading to Pelham for the Xterra Southest Championship. While I was visiting I was hit with the news about Steve Larsen. At first I thought I wasn't reading my emails correctly. Then I thought someone was playing a really cruel joke. When I realized it was all true I was without words. I sat down on the couch and just looked at my uncle. Steve's passing brought up a lot of emotions about my uncle Ricky who passed away from a massive heart attack right in front of me 10years ago this August. He was the twin brother of the uncle I was visiting. I was very close to him.

I then thought about the first time I ever raced in a mountain bike race. It was a Norba National Championship race and I was in the beginner category. It was only the third time I ever mountain biked. I cried the entire time we prerode the course because it was so muddy and technical. I went on to win the race but vowed not to ride again! (So much for that) I remember watching Steve Larsen race and thinking what an amazing athlete. I followed his career hearing about how the Olympic committee wouldn't put him on the Olympic team because of a mechanical even though he was our best mountain biker. He finished out the season capturing the Norba National Mountain bike title but he hung up his bike not wanting to ever race that sport again. He then picked up road triathlons as his new career. He attacked it with the same passion as every other sport he competed in from Road cycling to cyclocross. It is no wonder I was excited to see him racing Xterra in 2004. It was even better when I found out he had moved back to Davis which was only 20minutes from where I was living. It was a chance for me to get to know him more personally. We even shared the same sponsor.

After I won the Xterra USA Championship in 2004 he walked up and complimented me on my race uniform. I was sporting a white uniform with red and blue stars. I was very patriotic. He lost that race to Conrad by 30seconds but he still captured the USA title. He was proud to be an American and proud to represent his country. I think that is what I admired the most about him!

When I made my way down to Pelham I knew we needed to do something to recognize such a great ambassador to our sport. Before the race start, Conrad said a few things and then we had a moment of silence. If you get the chance please visit www.rememberSteveLarsen.com. He leaves behind a wife and 5 kids and a big legacy!

I ended up having a really great time in Alabama despite the sad news. It was great to still be a part of Xterra. I had so much fun announcing with Kalei. I was even updating my facebook on how the race was unfolding.

I then flew home for a couple days, went to a doctor's appointment then flew to Indiana. I was asked to be a guest speaker for a race in Terre Haute and at a church. I had the pleasure of a wonderful homestay at the race director's in-laws. Paul and Judy were so much fun. Courtney kept saying that Judy and I were two peas in a pod. He couldn't believe how much we resembled each other. We both ended up announcing the race and having a blast. There was only one mic so Courtney did most of the announcing. He kept running around so I couldn't catch him! In the end we were asked to come back next year and I truly hope I get too!

During all of that I was fighting off a cold. I needed to get well so they wouldn't cancel my surgery. I have waited too long for this. Thankfully due to lots of praying I am well enough!

I don't know what life is going to be like after this surgery. I can only hope it is better than right now. Every day that I go to the gym the handicapped parking is right in front of the pool. I've had to watch people swimming every time I park for the last 6 months and I keep telling myself, "One day soon!" It is enough to drive one crazy. But ultimately I know my day will come soon and it will be work the wait. Heck right now I just can't wait until I can stand underneath a shower nozzle and let the water pour all the way down my back. No more standing with my head under as I shampoo and condition it. Then I have to put one arm then the other and then wash my legs all the while trying to avoid getting the whole where my drain comes out wet. It takes forever!

As I go into this next surgery I pray that all goes well. I pray that I can still go to the bathroom on my own and that there is no further damage. I also pray that the doctors can tuck my kidney in far enough that it doesn't really bother me. I will be out for at least 8 hours so most of all I hope I wake up because you never know when it is going to be your time!

Jamie

THE GOOD, THE BAD and THE SMALL THINGS

2009-05-18T21:23:00.001-07:00

It has been awhile since I last updated my website. I pretty much left everyone hanging for four weeks. I apologize for that but things have just been weird. Every time I sat down to type what is going on I just couldn't. I have been through so much and things just seem to be . . . well what they are!

The Good:

After all the drama about moving my bladder it ended up not even being an option because there is just too much scar tissue in the area. My oncologist told the urologists to stay away from that area. Yes God does answer prayers! So what are they going to do now? They are going to auto transplant my kidney. The doctors are going to remove my left kidney and pull it through an incision in my belly then the transplant team will put it back in my right pelvic area. They estimate the surgery to be about 8hrs . . . but I know it may be longer then that. This is a pretty good thing because I will finally get this stupid drain out of my kidney and I will be able to swim and attempt getting back on the bike.

The Bad:

When my kidney is placed back into my pelvic area it will bulge out. I will have discomfort in a crouching position. That means riding a road bike may no longer be an option. My 30min core training may not be possible and flip turns in the pool may not be doable. I know I have to give this a try because losing my kidney at my age could be a problem in the future but will this hinder the quality of life I want to continue to live? The doctors tell me because I am so thin it will be more uncomfortable then the average person. And to top things off I will have to wear a special kidney plate to protect it when I ride off road (and I will mountain bike again!) I guess that means no contact sports ever again!

The Small Things:

With so many challenges that keep coming my way I have to remind myself about the small things. Just 5 months ago my leg couldn't last more then 2 minutes in the elliptical trainer and now I can go for 1hr 30min or more. I could barely walk a 100ft without pain and just the other day I walked one lap of the Xterra Midwest Cup which was 5k. For a year I have only worn a pair of running shoes (the last pair I ever ran in) and thanks to Fleet Feet Sacramento I found a pair of Keens that fit over my AFO and I can actually wear them with nice pants or skirts! And I thought I would wear running shoes for the rest of my life.

As much as we sometimes dwell on the negative or worry about how everything is wrong in this world we forget about the small things. It is so important to look around and realize all that is good and right. Most importantly we have to remember that our time here is temporary. We aren't living to die we are dieing to live!

I celebrated my 33^rd birthday two weeks ago and then my 9 year anniversary with Court. What a joy it was to be able to celebrate after all that I have been through. Then thanks to Ryan DeCook (and his parents) and Craig Evans I have been able to travel to Michigan and Alabama to continue to be a part of Xterra. I was able to announce the Xterra Midwest Cup and I will help out in Alabama. These guys just can't get rid of me!! I continue to cherish the small things in life. What else can I do?

I go into surgery on June 8^th so please pray that it is successful and that I wake up without discomfort.

Jamie

Almost There

2009-04-06T14:16:00.001-07:00

I often think about that last day I ran and the day I rode my bike. I ran for only for 10minutes in Tucson, Arizona. Courtney and a couple friends from the camp were with me. The upper part of my left calf hurt like crazy but I was determined to keep going. By the time we finished I could barely walk without limping let alone stretch. It was at that point I knew something was seriously wrong.

A week later was my last ride on the road bike. For a week my leg was becoming more and more uncomfortable but on this particular day it was too much to handle. I was supposed to go for an easy 1hr spin but 5minutes into the ride I was in agony. I kept thinking it would go away but it only got worse. I started crying and by 15minutes I knew I had to turn around. The entire ride back to my car I could barely turn the pedals. The pain was indescribable.

With the amount of pain I was in for both of those days I couldn't truly enjoy either one. Instead the memory of agony is embedded in my brain. If only my last run could have been on my favorite trail in Sly Park, with rolling single track around a lake. I spent most of my winters on that nine mile loop smelling the fresh cedar and damp air. If only my last ride could have been battling it out in Salmon Falls with Courtney and Cliff in 90degree weather trying to avoid the poison oak. The first time I ever rode that trail I crashed over and over. I walked almost all of the technical, steep descents. Months later I was able to ride everything on that trail. It became my favorite place to ride and drop the hammer on all the guys. It has just the right amount of hill climbs and technical difficulty. There are tight single track sections with rocks all over the trail and a cliff to one side. Every once in a while you run into cows or skunks and a handful of other riders but most of the time I felt like it was my own personal trail and I had it all to myself.

The desire to get back to riding my bike and running is highly driven by these memories. I want to feel the wind blowing in my face and my heart rate sky rocket when I am attempting a difficult section. I want to feel the endorphins from running 10 miles at a steady pace. It is hard to get on an elliptical trainer inside 4-5days a week and not miss what I used to do. I am thankful I can at least workout but the longing to do something more doesn't go away. There is no "fix" from an hour of elliptical or 30minutes on a stationary bike. There is no sun that beats down on my neck as I lift weights. There is nothing that smells like the outdoors. There are only TV monitors and florescent lights while the top 40 plays over the speakers.

Two weeks ago I had a mold of my bad leg made. One week later Kenneth made a prototype brace for me to try out on the bike. Yes, one week. It is in San Francisco waiting for me to pick it up and try it out. I have been waiting for my kidney drain to be removed before I get back on a bike but I don't think I can wait that long. I need to get out on the open road. The sun is shining and the outdoors is calling my name. We have a borrowed tandem, we have the brace . . . Courtney just needs to make some modifications to my pedal and shoe along with some special custom bike shorts and I will be able to attempt a ride on the road.

I have a hard time sleeping these days because of the excitement. I didn't expect all of this to come so soon. I didn't expect so many people to jump at helping me get back on the bike. The possibility is right at the tip of my fingers. If only we could solve this kidney problem right now I would be riding tomorrow.

Two weeks ago Total Body Fitness and Bobby McMullen held a fund raiser for me. It was the premier of Bobby's movie "The Way Bobby Sees It!" The film is about how he rides blind . . . On his own bike off-road with a guide. He is a good friend and inspiration. I look at all that he has accomplished and I know I will be able to overcome similar obstacles. It's the kind of movie that motivates you to get off the couch. This movie has inspired one of my best friends, Kacey to do a triathlon in honor of me. I told her I would get her through this and have started training her. Even though she is incredibly sore and her lungs burn every time she jogs she has that desire and determination. I find it inspiring.

As the racing season approaches I encourage you to enjoy the ride. Take in everything life has to offer. And if you are sitting on a couch doing nothing get out and walk. Smell the fresh air!

Jamie

Taking Charge

2009-03-21T16:38:00.001-07:00

Have you ever imagined what you would do if you were told you had cancer? What would you do if your entire life flipped upside down. Would you grab life by the throat and fight or crawl in a hole and let life pass you by?

Through everything that has happened I know two things are certain, God is in control and I am a fighter. My last cancer scan came back clean. What a huge deal that is. God is listening and he answered the countless prayers. This good news means I get to move forward on fixing the drain coming out of my kidney. I am so close to getting back in the pool I can feel it!

After the good news I scheduled an appointment with the Urologist yesterday (Friday.) Since I was already going to be in San Francisco I went ahead and made an appointment with my Orthotist Ken. He is the guy that made my walking AFO and is going to make my bike and running brace! He is the man that is going to make things possible!

My meeting with Ken was great. He is already working on a brace and has a good idea of what I need. I gave him an old pair of my Mountain biking shoes to work with. He made another cast of my leg for the running brace and brought in a piece of paper with pattern on it. Some had butterflies, one looked like a pair of jeans but the one that popped out was the blue snakeskin. He said he could make my brace with this patter. I was grinning from ear to ear. If you have to wear a brace you might as well make it look dope!!

Afterwards we headed across the street to see Dr. Deng, the Urologist. Walking into the building brings back so many bad memories. Every doctor I have met in this building has given me nothing but bad news. Was today going to be different? I sat down in the waiting room looking out at the view. You could see Kezar stadium. It has a beautiful track and is the finish line for the Jamba Juice fun run. Every year I have entered the race I have walked away with a year supply of free Jamba Juice (one a week.) It is well worth the trip. I ran my fastest 5k in that race finishing third overall (women of course.) Looking out that window reminded me of what it felt like to run. It has been over a year since I have been able to go through that motion. The feeling of freeness. I started thinking about all the trail running I used to do. The smells of the fresh, damp air. I almost started tearing up as I recalled all these memories. Then my Dad walked over an sat down next to me. We were an hour early and hoping we might get in quickly to avoid the Friday traffic leaving San Francisco.

We weren't as lucky as I hoped but we finally got to see the doc. We discussed a few options but without knowing the size of the blockage we couldn't move forward. Dr. Deng was able to fit me in on the X-ray table to get a good look at the problem. They had to stick a catheter in me and fill up my bladder to see how much it could hold. Then they filled my kidney with contrast to see how far it was able to drain. On the X-Ray machine you could see all of my insides. Near my bladder it looked like there were a bunch of little worms or maggots. It turned out to be staples. I didn't realize there were so many staples left inside me. I am surprised I haven't set off any metal detectors!

When they were finished we discussed the next step. I was not prepared to hear what the doctor had to say. She wants to detach my bladder and move it up stretching it towards the ureter. Then they will attach the ureter to the top of the bladder. If this is successful everything will work and life will be great. A small amount of urine may flow back and forth into the kidney but it wouldn't affect me.

Downside is that with only one sacral nerve working and so much scare tissue they could permanently damage my bladder and I will never be able to pee on my own again. There is no reversing any damage. I asked how often she performs this surgery and the percentage of people that aren't able to go to the bathroom afterwards. She said she perform it 5 times a year and about 10% end up catheterizing themselves. That was enough for me to freak out! I do not want to jeopardize my ability to use the bathroom on my own. I am already so lucky I can go and I had a really bad feeling about this. I told her I didn't want this procedure if there was even the slightest possibility that I won't be able to urinate. The doctor jumped on me and said it wasn't the worst thing that could happen to me. She went on to say "if this was the worst thing you think could happen to you then you haven't had anything bad happen to you."

Then I really flipped out. Has this past year not been bad? I was a pro triathlete in the middle of my career forced into retirement, I am paralyzed in my left leg and I have no left glute muscle. I have only one sacral nerve controlling the bladder and I have to have cancer check-ups regularly. I think I have had some pretty bad stuff happen so excuse me if I want to hold onto the ability to urinate on my own!!!

I tried to tell Dr. Deng I didn't want to do this. I told her I would rather try and drop the kidney down and if that doesn't work then just take it out. But the concern of all doctors is not wanting to get rid of the kidney that functions properly. They are worried that if I only have one good kidney and something happens to it then I can only survive on dialysis for 5 years if another kidney doesn't turn up. I tried to tell her that plenty of people would offer up a kidney if I absolutely needed it but if my bladder is damaged they can't do a transplant of that.

I left the building absolutely distraught. What am I going to do. Ultimately for the first time the decision is mine. But I am a little scared of making the wrong choice.

The entire drive home I cried and prayed. I prayed God would guide me to make the right decision and I prayed for the patience to not rush it. This is going to be my choice because I don't want to be mad or blame anyone if things go wrong. What a week this is going to be.

When I informed Courtney he called a friend and asked for some advice. He said to get a bunch of other opinions and make sure I find a doctor who instead of 5 times a year does this procedure 5 times a week. So that is what we are going to do. If you know of any Urologists that are the best in their field please get me the info!!

Please pray that everything works out and that God leads me to the right decision for me. And most of all, whatever happens, please pray that I continue to go to the bathroom on my own.

Jamie

HOW’S IT GONNA BE?

2009-02-23T13:14:00.001-08:00

It was pointed out that this year might be an emotional one. As my body begins to heal there is still a lot of emotional healing. Sometimes I feel like I am on a rollercoaster, I am up then down then up again!

Last weekend we went to see the start of the Tour of California. I was able to see a bunch of sponsors, old friends and meet new people. Every time I turned around I was talking to someone new. It was just like old times. I had a great time seeing so many people for something other then football or basketball. Cannondale surprised me with a ride in the LiquiGas team car. I sat up front while we hopped on course behind one of the team riders. It was so cool! We were going about 30miles an hour even in the turns. I swore someone was going to step out onto the road and get run over by us. The entire time the Team driver was yelling something in Italian at the rider. I assumed it was "Go fast you are too slow . . . Pick it up!" Something like that. I only know Gratzi, Prego and Chow!

After that we hung out with some of the Cannondale folks and I got a chance to meet Ivan Basso. He signed a poster for me but some how in the translation my name was misunderstood as Chrissie. It would be a big deal except I wanted to hang it up near Ned and all the other posters I have. Courtney made a call to see if another poster could be signed with the correct name but I doubt that will happen. In the meantime I just look at it and laugh. That was one of my fears whenever I would sign autographs for people. I didn't want to mess up a name or misspell anything! So much pressure!!

Tuesday a photographer from the Sac Bee (my local newspaper) shot some photos of me working out at the gym and with my PT. I had to laugh because people were already trying to figure out my deal and then I had someone taking pictures. One lady jumped on a trainer next to me so she could be in a picture not even knowing what it was for. Afterwards she asked and I explained but I am not sure if she understood she wasn't in the photo! I ended up on the elliptical for over an hour. My longest cardio workout so far. I was pretty excited. Thursday I had to match that so I added on the stationary bike. I spent about an hour and 10min combined then hit the weights for an hour or so! I feel so much better when I get to workout I just wish I could do more. I remember when 5 minutes fatigued my leg and now I am going strong for an hour plus in only a month. I guess you never really get rid of the drive to excel.

This weekend was great. I was able to catch up with friends. Saturday morning I was out at a local off-road duathlon. Then it was off to see very dear friends of mine since I was a kid. We swapped cancer stories and reminisced over old times. It was so great to see them. I realized how much I have missed out on with all the traveling but was glad I got a chance to catch up. I am hoping I get to visit more and do whatever I can to help out.

Sunday it was off to the gym, church and then my best buddy Kacey's house. I haven't seen her for awhile either. We had a great time getting on line and looking up old friends on face book. I just found out there is going to be a 15year high school reunion for us this September. I think I should have a shirt made before I go explaining what is going on so everyone doesn't ask what happened to me!! Not that I mind sharing, I just don't want to tell the same story over and over in one night!

I have started getting into Face book a little more. Everyone says I need to update it more often and write on their wall or whatever you do on it. So all morning I have been sifting through friend requests and chatting online with people. It was actually pretty cool and highly addicting. I better be careful with that. Everyone I talked to was shocked I was online. They know me so well!

This Wednesday I head back to UCSF for a CT and MRI scan. I will know that day if there is any sign of cancer. If I am clean we move forward with surgery on my blockage and if I have cancer we move forward with chemo. I feel like I have been in a holding patter for so long wondering "How's it gonna be?" I trust that God will continue to give me the strength to get through whatever lies ahead in the upcoming days. I am confident everything will be ok!

Please pray there are no signs of cancer and that the doctors will be able to fix my ureter!

Continuing to be . . .

Jamie

Back To UCSF

2009-02-13T01:17:00.001-08:00

Yes, you read it correctly . . . I was back at the hospital on Wednesday. A few weeks ago I noticed some bloody chunks in my drain and I was having some pain just before in the kidney area. It cleared up and the pain went away the next day so I didn't think to much of it. Then it happened again and cleared up again. After the third time we called my doctor to see what we should do.

While the doctors were setting up an appointment for me to go down to San Francisco I started having crippling pain in my stomach. That started Saturday night when it was so bad it woke me up from a deep sleep. I went to the bathroom but it was only getting worse. I had to kick my dog Rikki off the bath mat so I could lie down. Courtney came in and had me take some Tums then helped me back into bed. I woke up the next morning feeling fine. I was ok the entire day. The next morning (Monday) I was woken up once again by the pain. I took a couple Tums and it seemed to get a little better. All day Tuesday my stomach didn't feel great but I managed to work out in the gym and go to PT. That night the pain came back and with a vengeance. I was on the bathroom floor again crying. Courtney had to help me up and into bed once again.

The next morning Courtney called my doctor to inform him of what was going on. He was concerned so he had me drive to UCSF to get my drain checked. They were worried that even though it seemed to be draining it may be clogged. We had to rush down there to make my appointment. We were driving through a crazy rain storm with accidents left and right but we made it.

Everyone was excited to see how well I was doing. The last time they saw me in early October I was about 100lbs and still walking with a walker. Now I am about 14lbs heavier and walking with a cane. I told the doctors (the ones that deal with my drain) what was going on. They asked if I wanted to be sedated but I said "No." I have been a little needle shy lately. Besides they told me people that live with these types of drains permanently usually don't need sedation.

First they filled up my kidney with fluid to see if it would drain on it's own but it wasn't. It causes a really uncomfortable pain but it was tolerable. Then they pulled out the drain leaving a wire to guide the new one. It was pretty painful and once the drain was out it felt like someone was burning me with a match (or when you pour alcohol on an open wound.) At that moment I wondered if the little needle would have been less painful. Then they shoved a new drain back into my kidney and I decided that is I had to do this again I would totally take the sedation!

I was told that my drain had pulled out so it was good I got in there and had it fixed. The doctor also told me that the physical activity I have been engaged in may be causing the bloody chunks. He doesn't want to tell me to stop doing what I am doing but just to be careful. I guess I can push the limits sometimes.

So far things seem to be better. I have started rowing. Only about 10minutes at a time. My kidney is always sore afterwards so I limit rowing to once or twice a week. I feel like I am going crazy if I don't keep trying new things. Life will be so much better once I get my ureter fixed. I currently have not had any more stomach pains but if I do I think they will be moving up my CT and MRI scans. These days nothing seems to be little. I can't ignore anything that feels wrong. My greatest fear is that I have sarcoma tumors growing in my abdominal area and if I do I want it caught right away. But I try not to think about that.

I watched the new Survivor this evening and it was a little tough. I watch all of these people thrown into the wilderness and so many of them seem to poop out. I think to myself I could do better then that with only one good leg! It kills me to see people give up or start walking while the rest of their team is running. I know when I watch Amazing Race it will have the same affect. Courtney and I applied for that show just before I got sick. I keep working hard so I can get strong then I will reapply for Amazing Race. Hopefully this time we will get picked . . . Even with a bum leg I think we could rock that race!

I hope you all have a wonderful Valentine's Day. I will be spending my watching the Tour of California in downtown Sacramento with Courtney. I will be meeting up with some of my sponsors and hoping I get a glance of some of the pros!

Jamie

PS I went 6 miles in 54minutes in the elliptical machine. That is two minutes faster without even trying!

Still Going

2009-02-02T16:39:00.001-08:00

Yikes . . . I don't know where the time goes! I am trying hard to keep my blog updated so everyone knows how I am doing but I seem to always fall behind.

So much has happened since the last time I wrote to you all. I started going to the gym. At first I was a little reluctant because when I go I see the pool and I see folks swimming and it makes me sad. It has been over six months since I last swam and I long to get back into it. Then there is the treadmill. I should be happy with the fact that at least I can use the elliptical trainer but somehow I am not. I would much rather be out there running. I can't believe how much this has affected me. I never know why so many people complain about running. I would trade places in a heartbeat with anyone that hates it that much!

The first time I went to the gym I hopped on the elliptical machine. Two minutes into it my bad leg was fatigued. I decided to continue on. I wanted to go for 30 minutes but I realized I shouldn't push it. After all it has been awhile since I have done anything other then walk. My leg was pretty sore the next day but it felt good to do something. The next time I lasted 30minutes then 35 and then 45. It is difficult to go fast but I push myself as much as I can alternating speeds and the length of time I go fast. I keep it interesting. Just the other day I was on for 56 minutes and I went 6 miles. I was pretty stoked!

I have been trying to find a commercial grade elliptical machine for home so I can use it everyday. We have been looking but none of the stores carry the ones that the gyms have. I don't like the cheaper ones because you don't get a proper stride on them and they have cheap parts which will fall apart pretty quickly. I contacted a friend who owns some gyms in hopes he will be able to help me and possibly help me get a deal since they are very expensive. I need to get one to keep my sanity and to keep me feeling good!

It is an interesting experience for me to go to the gym because of all the people that can't figure out my story. They try not to stare but they can't help it. I think I would stare at me too! Here I am a young gal going to the gym with a cane, an AFO on my leg/foot and a drain coming out of my back. I really get them when I take my shirt off on the elliptical trainer. It must be pretty gross to see the tube coming out of my back. I should where a shirt that says, "Cancer sucks, it paralyzed me but I am not letting it stop me from carrying on with life!"

We just had the 4^th annual ICTN camp which was a blast once again. It is such a joy to get to see everyone each year and meet knew people. I love sharing advice on racing and racing for God's glory. This year I was able to share what I have gone through and continue to go through face to face. It was a little hard for me to talk about it and I ended up leaving out a lot. I just couldn't explain an entire year in 1 hour! Courtney and I were so blessed by everyone there especially when they raised almost $3,000 for us to help remodel the bathroom. I cried because so many people care and love us. It is a great feeling to have and very humbling. It truly is easier to give then to receive. We have always tried to give and now we are in a position where we need the help . . . We need to receive and we are so incredibly blessed!

The new location of the camp was Tucson, Arizona. It is a beautiful place to train. I have been there several times for other training camps and loved every minute of the great weather during the winter. The fellowship was great and the messages from each of the pastors hit home. The hardest part was watching everyone take off to train. I wanted to be a part of that but instead I headed to the tiny weight room in the hotel. It had a small weight machine with one treadmill, one broken elliptical trainer and a recumbent bike. I walked on the treadmill and tried to run on it holding myself up with my arms. It didn't work very well. I tried the bike but my foot kept slipping off. The next day Courtney duct taped my foot on and it was great! Gotta love duct tape. When the maintenance man came to give us the tape he asked it I was ok with taping my foot in and I laughed. I explained about my disability and then he apologized. We all laughed some more. It was pretty strange if you didn't know about me being a die-hard triathlete!

It took me all week to recover from the trip. And as usual I am way behind on answering emails. I still haven't mailed my Christmas cards/letter and I have two years worth of taxes to do. My main focus these days are coaching and working out. I am determined to work as hard as it takes to get as good as new as possible. This is not an easy task by any means. Sometimes I get discouraged because it is so hard to do things. It is hard to know how fit I was and how great I always felt. Now I get tired easily or my leg gets tired and stops working. I often trip around the house while I am trying to clean. I will say one thing . . . I am doing way more then expected and I continue to get stronger. I remember when I couldn't even push the vacuum cleaner and now I am vacuuming the entire house! I have to remind myself it is about the small things. I can't jump head first anymore, I have to put my feet in then slowly make my way. In the end I will still get to the same place it will just take a little longer.

I am scheduled for my next CT scan and MRI for February 25^th. I wish it were sooner so we can get going on my kidney drain. I am tired of it big time. In the meantime I am praying the scan is clean. I pray that it is cancer free so I can continue to move forward. I don't like taking one step forward just to take 5 steps back. It is time to start making plans for the year and I don't want any more setbacks.

Jamie

Life Goes On

2009-01-08T10:18:00.001-08:00

Wow what a New Year it has already turned out to be. I am getting a lot of inquiries about coaching which is exciting. If you have ever been to one of my Xterra clinics or talked with me you know how much I love to spread the knowledge. I can't wait until I have enough money to build a training camp on our property. It will be absolutely worth coming to but I know it will take awhile. I need a lot of other things first . . . Like my new disable friendly bathroom!

This past weekend a local training and racing company called TBF (www.tbfracing.com) put on a New Years duathlon. They have been doing this for a couple years now and it is free to anyone that wants to participate. This year they took donations to help none other then ME! With over 200 racers they were able to raise almost $3000 which is a blessing because I need a new bathroom ASAP! I had a little fall a few weeks ago that scared me more then it actually hurt me. More people die from slipping in the bathroom then any other accident in the home. That is scary when you think about it! The worst part was that Courtney was in the garage and couldn't hear me screaming for help to get back up. When I think about it I really could have gotten hurt. My guardian angel sure was looking out for me that day.

I am so thankful for my friends at TBF. They have been an awesome support system. I got my start in triathlon with their help. It was back in 1998 I was at the CIM expo and they had a booth. I don't remember why I was there because I surely wasn't running the marathon but I was really interested in doing triathlons. That winter I joined their training group and met lots of neat and fun people that had the same desire. Mark Shaw (one of the owners) became my first tri coach. From there we became great friends and training buddies. Both he and Bill (another owner) have supported and helped my career in multisport. I only hope I can repay them for all of their generosity! I do recommend their training classes if you are looking to get into Triathlons and you should really consider one of their races or all of them! I will be out there this winter announcing the Chanoko Duathlon series and the Real Mountain Bike Tri! I hope to see some of you out there!

A day after the race I got a call from a guy who started Veterans for Sarcoma charity. We have been in and out of contact for the past several months. He too had a sarcoma which you can read about on his website www.veteransforsarcoma.com/donate vfs.aspx He has been wanting to help me out since he has been in a similar situation. He along with many others are on a mission to raise money for Sarcoma research. This is super important since people are continuing to die from this horrible cancer. The biggest scare when you get a sarcoma is if it has spread to your lungs. Being a soft tissue cancer this is the first place it likes to go. I have been blessed thus far with no sign of lesions on my lungs. This is also why I am being closely monitored and why my chemo was going to be so aggressive! He has offered to help me out so I can get the ball running on the bathroom/laundry room. Talk about being blessed. If you get a chance check out his website and help any way you can!

To top things off Courtney will be able to start taking Friday's off to get moving on the bathroom. It will probably start next month which doesn't matter to me at this point. Friends and family have also offered to help with the labor. It really seems like this is going to happen in the near future! I am so excited. It has been difficult trying to do the laundry and trying to be super careful while I try to step in and out of the bathtub for a shower. I can't even begin to describe how hard it is to sit on a toilet that isn't even standard height . . . Which is why I asked for a toilet for Christmas from my in-laws. I am all about practical gifts! They were a little perplexed and then understood my need for a proper toilet (chair height.) Soon there will me no more falling hard onto the toilet seat! YEAH!

Fleet Feet Sports in Sacramento has also been spectacular in raising money and spreading awareness. Pat and Jan (owners) have always been great friends . . . I have been going to the store since my high school running days! Together they raised almost $10k which went directly to medical bills and my increased health insurance. I guess medical insurance is like car insurance . . . If you get really sick the rates go way up. My Dad says no matter what I am still ahead because of how much everything costs! I agree and am not complaining!

Then there is the John Wayne Cancer Foundation who has also been a tremendous support with raising some money, sending gifts and making the "Go Jamie" stickers. I met Greg Graber at Wildflower last year and told him my story. He has been an awesome support! I can't Thank him enough either! Please check out his website (He is married to John Wayne's granddaughter) and help out if you can www.jwcf.org/ Courtney and I still joke about it being the Jamie Whitmore Cancer Foundation because we have the same initials!

I can't forget all of the individual support from all of you out there. We never would have made it through the year without it. Everything from financial support to magazines/books to cards and other gifts. I am so thankful and blessed. It gave me an opportunity not to worry about making the bills and eating to actually getting healthy! My sponsors were also key because they continued to support and pay me and everyone of them continues to stand behind me as I venture into coaching and camps.

So what have I been up to. Starting my coaching business of course. I am walking (still not enjoying it but doing it because I need to!) I am lifting weights which is something and playing Wii fit to help with balance and make yoga fun! I am also continuing to work on cleaning the house and organizing everything I put off while I was racing then when I got sick. Everyone I run into says I am looking great and my super high energy personality is finally back.

I still have moments where I start to think about racing. I get a little emotional until I push it out like you would push out the pain feeling during a race. I think my day to day dealings are like a race. I have to push through my limitations and constantly redirect my thought process. I must say no race has ever been this hard but at least I get outside assistance!

I hope all of you are embracing the New year and everything you have the ability to accomplish!

I almost forgot . . . If you are looking for an opportunity to get away and get some training in check out www.ictrinet.com It is a wonderful camp at the end of this month. I have been a part of for the past 3 years. I will be there again this year to tell my story and give my advice on training for Xterra racing. Courtney will also be there to help out with bike maintenance and riding skills. Please check it out and think about coming. It is also a Christian camp but you do not have to be a Christian to attend! There will be lots of fellowship and some of the most amazing Pastors (one of which has been there for me through all of my experience and was at both surgeries!) I am trying to raise $400 to take a young promising athlete along with us. He is such a hard working young man with a lot of potential. If you know of anyone that can help please let me know. It would be like a sponsorship program!

Until next time

Jamie

DON’T LOOK BACK

2009-01-02T13:45:00.001-08:00

In high school I remember my cross country coach telling me not to look back in a race. He said it was a sign you are fading and if the person behind you see's you look back they will pounce on you! The first time I won the Delta League Cross Country Championship I was in second place for most of the race. With 800m to go I saw the girl look back at me. I was probably about 15-20sec behind her. I knew she was fading so I went for it. I dug deep and picked up the pace and passed her to win the championship.

In all my years of racing I tried not to look back when I was in the lead. I didn't want my competitors to know if I was hurting. I wanted to look back so many times but I knew I shouldn't. I knew I just needed to keep pushing no matter what!

I have been battling cancer, a disability and the loss of my career. It has been painful both physically and emotionally. One minute I was planning for the 2008 season, here I wanted to go, how I wanted to travel and the titles I wanted to take back. Then I was told I had cancer. I remember telling Courtney I would be such a stronger racer after all of this. We were already planning my big comeback in 2009. Then I woke up from surgery #1 and found out I couldn't use my left foot any more. I was deeply saddened but I didn't let it stop me from believing I could still race. People told me I would be better off without my foot but I kept believing.

I remember the day the doctors told me the tumor grew back. I was 4 days into radiation. I simply smiled and said "OK when is my next surgery." I worked so hard to get into the best shape I possibly could. I swam 6 days a week. I lifted two days a week. I was going to physical therapy 3 days a week and I was even on the elliptical trainer. I was already achieving more then most thought but wouldn't say. All my doctors knew not to tell me I would never be able to do something. They knew I would do more then the average person.

My second surgery was a difficult time. I spent 4 weeks on my right side, barely able to walk. The doctors took all of my left glute. Now I was down a nerve and the biggest muscle. I almost died from a kidney infection 1 week after leaving the hospital. I spent the next 2-3months in and out of the hospital trying to figure out why I couldn't keep food down and why I felt so nauseous. The one blessing was no chemo thus far. 2008 was a tough year for me and my family.

Christmas came and was a wonderful time. After all we were celebrating the birth of Jesus. I was a bit (OK a lot) stressed getting ready. Cleaning is not as easy or as fast as it used to be. I was getting frustrated with my drain getting caught on knobs in the kitchen and the vacuum cleaner when I tried to vacuum. I couldn't move large things so I would wait until Courtney came home or my Dad came to visit. Eventually it all worked out. As everyone opened their presents I looked around and wondered how Christmas would have been if I weren't here. All of the smiles on everyone's faces wouldn't have been there. At that moment I realized how lucky I was.

My youngest nephew saved his money and gave me a little candle. It was Jingle Bells scented. He also gave me a letter he wrote to God asking for 4 wishes this year. The first was for the world wishing no one would be hungry. The second was for California wishing there were more wildlife. The third was for me wishing I would get better and not have to go to the hospital anymore. The last was for himself wishing for 100 pieces of Hershey's chocolate. Tears streamed down my face. That letter means a lot to me. I have it framed and sitting on the counter so I can look at it everyday.

I don't want to look back at 2008 and feel sad. I don't want to look back and show a sign of weakness. I am such a stronger person now. I feel so much closer to God and I know my faith is a heck of a lot stronger. I figure life is about trying things you don't think you can do. I know I have a lot of limitations but I am learning not to think about them. I look around my house at all the pictures of my racing and my awards and I realize that life will never be the same. I can't walk without a limp but it won't stop me from trying to run.

Every year I write my goals on a board in the bathroom. I look at them everyday and work my butt off to accomplish them. I finally erased 2008 which said "Reclaim World Championship title, Defend USA and Point Series title and remember to Race for God." It was very emotional erasing those words but I wrote up new ones, "Get healthy, Ride a bike, Remodel bathroom and Race for God!" There is nothing like setting the bar high. You don't know what you can do unless you try. So for 2009 I will be "trying all kinds of things and I won't be looking back. Hello New Year!

I hope all of you had a great Christmas and a Happy New Year. Remember to never stop trying!

Jamie

P.S. Thank you so much to those that have been inquiring about my coaching. I am very excited to start working with new athletes. If you are serious about becoming one of my athletes please email me and title it "Coaching" Let me know what you are looking for and I will let you know how much I charge monthly and what I can do for you!

I'M STILL ALIVE

2008-12-11T13:12:00.001-08:00

Usually no news is good news but that is not the case with me! I wanted to quickly update you guys because you have all been so kind in checking in on me!

After Tahoe I went in to try and have my drains removed but the blockage in my ureter was worse then they thought. Nothing was able to pass through because of all the radiation and abscesses. It is like cement in there. My urologist is hopeful they can figure out something but there is a slight chance I could be stuck with a drain out o m kidney forever! That is when I asked if they could just remove the kidney because I am not living with a drain. The doctors said that as an option but only if they can't fix the problem.

Maui was great but I was sick most of the time. I was able to suck it up and carry on but the mornings were really rough on me. It was great to see all of my friends from around the world. It brought such joy to me during a tough time. I was called up on stage to receive the Xterra Warrior award again. I cried once again and then got a standing ovation. It was a touching moment!

Once we returned home I had to go in for an MRI and CT Scan then it was on to talk to the Chemo doctor. I was told my scans were clean. No signs of another tumor Thank the Lord! The chemo doctor came ino the room and said he had good news. Because my scans were clean and I still wasn't well he was no longer reccomending chemo. As long as my next few scans remain clear I will not have to do chemo but if there is on sign of cancer anywhere I will have to start chemo immediatly. In the midst of all this bad stuff finally something good came along!!!

If my next scan remains clean then I will be able to go in for the surgery on my ureter. I pray that in February everything is clean and I will finally get rid of this kidney drain. It is hard enough to get around and the drain makes it worse. I really can't stand having it!

I was still having problems with nauseau and vomiting but it all stopped once I stopped taking methadone. It turns out that the combination of that and my antibiotics was what was causing my nausuea for so long. It even caused blurred vision.

I then got sick right before Thanksgiving and ended up in the emergency room all night long with Courtney. They could't find anything wrong with my kidney or the JP drain that had just been removed. It turned out to just be the flu . . . at least that is what we think it was. I had a fever for 5 days. My head hurt like crazy. When I put my head on the pillow it felt like it was in an oven!

All of this caused me to go into a depression. I was tired of being sick. Tired of needing help and tired of not being able to walk right. Even though I stated physical therapy again it only reminded me of how bad my leg is. I have no left bum causing all of my pants not to fit not to mention of how bad it looks. I have always been an athlete and took pride in how fit I looked. Now all I see is a really messed up leg.

Courtney got me a pair of walking poles to help me get around outside. When I finally started walking again I cried the whole time. The poles were great but I was just so sad. I have never really like walking or hiking. Why should I when I could run every where. This is my favorite time of the year to run and I can't. It is so frustrating and depressing. It was hard for me just to get out of bed.

I fnally got up a few days ago and decided to quit feeling sorry for myself. I am tired of thinking about all the things I can't do. I can't race but I can coach. I have been coaching ever since I gradated from college. I was a head Cross Country and Track coach for 4 years and I have been coaching several athletes for the past 5 years It is time to take all the knowledge and experieces I have and share them with others. I really do love coaching. So I am launching GutzyTriCoaching. So if you are looking for someone to help you get to the next level of you just need someone to give you a schedule to follow contact me. I mostly like Xterra but I can do Olympic distance, Mountain biking and running! This should keep me busy until I am strong enough to start doing camps. I am also working on the commentating and guest speaking. I already have a few gigs for next year. How fun! I love to talk and share my experiences with others so I think this will be great! If you want to hear a sample of my commentating you can check it out at www.Xterraplanet.com from Maui. I hearId Idid a pretty good job!

So things are looking up for me. I really want to pick up some new athletes to coach so I am going to work hard to find some. If you know of anyone send them my way! And last but not leat, my wetsuit sponsor (Maystorm) is designing a line called GutzyTriGear to help raise money for me. They are starting off with Jerseys and arm warmers. More info will be posted on my website. I am hoping this will take off because I would love nothing more then my own line of clothing! That would be so cool!

The Triathlon world just can't get rid of me! I won't let it! When life hands you lemons you have to make lemonade! Besides I know God has a plan. I know my life is about doing his work. I honestly don't know how anyone could go through what I went through without having faithin God! His strength has pulled me through some really tough times this year. I am so blessed!

Thank you to everyone for your continued prayers and support. Please pray that I get my ureter fixed and don't have to lose my kidney. Please pray that the cancer does not return and plase pray I continue to get stronger.

Jamie

Sorry So Long

2008-11-28T12:31:00.001-08:00

It has been quite a while and you have not heard anything from either one of us. Jamie has not been feeling well and could not stand to look at her computer screen for longer than a few minutes, and I have been super busy with work an unable to update you all. So much has happened to Jamie that I think she needs to tell it. Jamie and I spent the whole nite before Thanksgiving in the E.R. at U.C. Davis but were able to leave and make Thanksgiving dinner, she is currently not feeling well and we hope she just has a cold and will be feeling better soon. So look forward to a update soon even if I need to take dictation and type it myself. I hope all of you out there had a wonderful thanksgiving and were able to be with your loved ones.

courtney

XTERRA WARRIOR

2008-10-09T20:05:00.001-07:00

Vote 4 Jamie

Wow, what a weekend! I was really worried I might not make it to Tahoe for the Xterra USA Championship with all of the infections that kept popping up. But I am happy to say I did and what an amazing weekend it was!

Friday and Saturday, a silent auction was held in my honor to help with the growing medical expenses. There were so many items that were donated by pros, friends and sponsors. Melanie McQuaid walked up with a bag full of items and two baskets of Natures Path goodies, one for Courtney and me and one for the auction. I was so grateful. Several other pros (Conrad, Jenny Smith, Josiah Midaugh, Mike Vine, Seth Wealing, Chris Leigh, Shonny Vanlandingham and so many more) donated things like jersey's, coaching, tires and other stuff. Ned Overend donated a signed jersey and a Specialized bike. Even my old sponsor and good friend Jim Felt got in on the giving by donating a cruiser bike! One guy donated his 29er bike. I can't even begin to name everything that was there and I can't even begin to THANK everyone for their support! I will mention how much I appreciate Janet Soule for putting this all together and for bearing the cold while she collected all the payments throughout the silent auction. She had some help from her hubby and my best bud, Cliff Millemann, Amber Monforte, and Linda Lindsey! Thanks again guys!

Team Unlimited also came up with an awesome T-shirt just for me! On the front it said "J-Dawg Crew" and on the back was "Keep the Faith Tour" with a list of every place I won in the U.S. and abroad. $20 for every shirt sold is being donated to me and you can still order them at

www.xterragear.com You can choose between black or blue!

Seeing everyone wear the T-shirts around brought me to tears. You just never know what people think about you or what kind of a difference you make until a time like this. A time when you need help. I have spent the last nine months fighting cancer, fighting infections and dealing with being disabled. It isn't easy. It isn't easy to realize I won't ever race as a pro and that I need to reinvent myself. I will say one thing, having the love and support from everyone in the Xterra family has made me know I can keep on fighting and that I do make a difference!

Saturday night I was honored with the Xterra Warrior award. It started out with Whit Raymond making us tear up while he talked about me, then a video of my racing over the past few years along with interviews from Conrad, Melanie, Jenny and Shonny Vanlandingham. When Conrad started to speak I lost it completely. All of them said such wonderful things about me, about what I meant to them and to Xterra. It was Melanie who pointed out how as professional athletes we expect to go out on our own terms, not something like this in the middle of our prime! As I continued to watch the video tears kept rolling from my eyes. I couldn't hold them back, I didn't want to. They were tears of sadness and happiness! I was sad at the reality that in that short video was my entire career and happiness that in that short time I made a huge impact on others and I am continuing to do so!

I am pretty sure there was not a dry eye in the room. I hobbled up to the podium to give a little speech. I talked about when I first heard I had cancer and then when I found out I may never walk or run again. I joked about losing my glute muscle (I said I could do things "half assed" now.) I don't remember much else because I was so overwhelmed with emotions but I do remember saying I may never compete in the pro category but don't count me out as a Challenged Athlete!

I really was shocked and had no idea I was receiving this award. My good friend Bryan Medrano was the first to get it for his battle with Huntington's disease and I have sat at world's every year watching each new recipient get this amazing award. I always wanted to earn this award, just not this way!! I want to Thank Team Unlimited for giving me this award, it means so much to me!

As tired as I was, it took me awhile to fall asleep. I was having such a blast seeing all my friends and talking with so many people. I could really feel the love. I could even feel myself getting stronger and more determined to continue to fight.

Sunday morning I rolled out of bed early and eager to see the start of the race! As I walked along the sand with my walker Whit came up to me to ask a few questions on the mic. I told everyone congratulations for qualifying for this race and to remember to race hard, to not give up on the bike and to not walk on the run because I can't do any of that! Once the gun went off I continued to answer questions and give insight on the race. I had so much fun doing that during the swim I made my way to transition to continue to help. I was on a roll. I was joking about some of my friends and giving serious insight on the pros as well as the course itself. Clay, one of the announcers, kept saying "I should sign my check over to you right now." Then I was asked to hold the finish line for the first pro male and female winner! I was honored once again. I stood there, with my Dad holding the other side as my long time friend Mike Vine from Canada finally picked up the win. He has finished second three times before but never taken the victory. He dedicated his win to me and said he kept fighting hard so he could win in my honor. Then when Melanie came in first she came over and hugged me tightly saying it just isn't the same without you. She also said she was out there racing not only for herself but for the both of us. I tell you I just couldn't stop crying! Others, like the first amateur Joshua Olmstead (a good friend) dedicated his race to me. He raced with a sticker "Go Jamie" on the top tube of his bike to remind him not to give up.

The awards podium continued to keep the tears coming with Melanie and Mike and several others saying such nice things about me. Meg (aka peg leg Meg), a below the knee amputee who was the first female challenged athlete to race in Tahoe stood on the podium and said she is afraid of when I come back to racing. I laughed as I wiped my tears. I am excited to have some competition! I have awhile until I will be able to make my way back to racing so I hope Meg is still competing!

I am blown away by this weekend. I never imagined it was going to be as exciting as it was. Being able to help commentate made me feel like I was still part of the race . . . Still part of Xterra. I am not ready to leave the scene. I am passionate about this sport and want to continue to do what I can to stay a part of it! I have been telling people to make sure you email Xterra and tell them how much you enjoyed listening to me and how much you want to hear me at the races. I don't want to take anyone's job I just want to be the "Color Commentator!" So vote for Jamie!!

I needed a few days to recover from the weekend but I am doing fine! I am now walking a mile in the morning and a mile in the evening. It still isn't very fast but at least I am doing it! I enjoy the time in the evening with Courtney because we get to talk about our day! It is something I recommend doing.

Jamie

One Day at a Time

2008-10-02T18:20:00.001-07:00

I have been through a lot these past ten weeks, more then I can ever describe. I know many of you have been checking my website diligently looking for some kind of update. I am so sorry for the delay. It has been difficult for me but now I am doing so much better!

I will start from my kidney infection so you know what has transpired over the past month. . . A few days after I got home from the hospital I started throwing up. I could not keep anything down for two days so they made me come back to the hospital. They hooked me up to an IV and gave me some anti-nausea medicine and ran some tests. I felt better after a couple days and was able to keep food down so they sent me back home thinking the antibiotics I was taking caused the vomiting. Everything seemed fine for a couple days until I started throwing up again. This time was worse because I couldn't even keep fluids down. It was back to the hospital for more tests.

My second trip to the hospital for vomiting was much like the first. They ran a bunch of tests but couldn't find anything wrong with me. Just as they were about to send me home I began getting dizzy and threw up. They decided to run more tests which included a cat scan. After looking at the results from the cat scan they ordered an MRI. The MRI revealed a possible bone infection. They immediately put me on IV antibiotics. I had to do one more test which was an isotope test. They take some blood and add radioactive isotopes to the white blood cells then put it back into my blood stream. If there is an infection the white blood cells go to that area and they can see them!

My results didn't show an infection but all of the doctors still believed there was one. They felt that maybe they detected it so early that the test was inconclusive. I finally made it home last week but I am hooked up to an IV that distributes my antibiotic all day long. It is hooked up to a pick-line in my arm. Oh yeah . . . I still have a JP drain and a kidney drain. I have tubes running out of me from every direction. To make things worse they get tangled up all the time. I have to wear shirts that can slide over the machine that gives me the antibiotics because we can't really unhook it whenever. Every night Courtney has to hook up a new antibiotic bag making sure he doesn't have any air bubbles and also making sure he flushes my line with saline and heparin. He has to wear gloves and clean everything with alcohol swabs. He is a regular nurse! I also have a home care nurse that comes once a week to draw blood and clean my line.

Besides all of that I am feeling pretty good. They have me on an anti-nausea medication called Zophran which is a dissolvable tablet that goes under my tongue twice a day. So far (cross your fingers and pray) it has been helping me! I am happy to say I am keeping my food down and not feeling dizzy! I am walking twice a day, a mile in the morning and half a mile in the evening with my walker. I joke with my family by saying "Who is going to walk me today!" I am almost ready to start physical therapy. In fact I think I will be starting next week. The only depressing thing is that it takes me about 45 minutes to walk a mile and I used to be able to run a 5 minute mile!

I am getting around places like Costco and Wal-Mart by using the motorized carts. It is kind of fun. If I tried to walk it would take me hours to shop. But I do get tired really easy and it can hit me quickly so we have to be careful about how much I can do. Sometimes I get nauseous if I do too much which is why it has taken me so long to get this update. I get sick if I am on the computer too long! I hope they can figure out what is making me sick because it is not fun when you can't keep food down or feeling dizzy typing on the computer!

I still need help getting in and out of bed. I need help getting things to eat. I have not taken a shower since my surgery on July 14^th! I have to wash my hair in the sink and then wash myself with a wash cloth. Thank goodness for action wipes because they have helped me feel fresh and clean with all of their products. And I still need help getting dressed. But I am happy to say I am doing more on my own. Right now it is about taking one day at a time.

It really has been rough. It seems like it is one thing after another. The worst part is that I CANNOT start chemo until I am healthy. All of these tubes have to be out of me and I have to be well before I am cleared to start this aggressive form of chemo for six months. I pray that I don't get sick during the treatments because I have already been sick for so long. I also pray that I am strong enough to deal with it.

I was on the news today . . . Channel 58 and I had a chance to talk about the silent auction in Tahoe this weekend in my honor. I also had a chance to briefly talk bout what I have been going through. It was an honor to be there. Down the road Chris Riva (hopefully) will be doing a bigger segment on my story. Heck, I should be on Oprah talking about my ordeal!

I hope I have gotten you all up to date on things. I am super excited about going to Tahoe this weekend. I am so blessed to have so many people care about me. So many people have put so much into this silent auction. Jenny Smith (a fellow pro and friend) along with Janet Soule (a good friend) have really been working hard, not to mention all the pros and other people that have donated such cool items. I have been crying joyful tears over all the generosity. I hope it has a big turnout because so many have put so much into this. I feel like I should be doing something!

To find out more about the items up for auction go to www.supportjamiewhitmore.org There are a lot of really cool items like an Eli Manning signed jersey donated by Gatorade and a Specialized bike donated by none other then Ned Overend. If it wasn't a silent auction for me I would be going crazy over all this stuff! Just visit the website and you will see! And a huge thanks to Nikola for setting up the website!

Thank you for all of your prayers. Please don't stop I still have a long road ahead and I need them all!

Jamie

The Good, the Bad and the Awsome!

2008-09-11T22:51:00.001-07:00

Yes, it is Courtney (for those of you who don't know me I am Jamie's husband) again.I am tired of writing you with bad news all the time so I though I would sprinkle in some good stuff too. I think I will start off with some good news. The Doctors think Jamie might be coming home this weekend. If she gets to come home it will be great, the dogs miss her alot, and I am going nuts without her around. Now with a little bit of the bad. The Doc's are guessing Jamie has a bone infection, and this would explain all the problems she has been experiencing over the past few weeks. Today they (the nursing staff) installed a pic line into her arm. For those of us who don't speak hospital, this is a semi-permenant line to administer IV fluids over an extended period of time. Bone infections are very serious and require large amounts of antibiotics ( at least 1 month). The medical staff installed this pic line so we (her father and I ) can give her her meds every day.Because of all the Infections Jamie has been dealing with or the past 2 months or so she has not been able to start her chemotherapy. This scares me a little,but if she is not healed the chemo could possibly kill her, so give her the antibiotics baby! So on to the AWSOME. Over the past month or so people have really rallied behind Jamie and done some amazing things. Maverick coffee has made a special blend to benefit J-dog. A few X-terra athletes (some pro) are arangeing a silent auction at the national championship race in Tahoe, and the "trichics" have organized a informal 5k in Santa Rosa and Sacramento on Nov 2nd called run for Jamie (you can check more out on active.com). It's things like this that lets us know how wonderful a world we live in, where fellow athletes can band together and help out one of there fallen sisters and raise her up on their shoulders and carry her to the finish line. We are honored to know each and everyone of you and have you in our lives.

thank you from the bottom of our hearts

In a holding pattern

2008-09-06T23:43:00.001-07:00

Hello,

Yes, it's Courtney e-mailing you all once again. It has been about 2 weeks since we have updated you all, and I apologize.As you may know if I am doing Jamie's blog that thing are not the greatest for Jamie right now.She has been in and out of the hospital 2 times and is still in there, undergoing testing to find out what is wrong with her.After she came home and up dated you all, she was fine for about 2 days and started to get severe nausea and was rushed to UCSF last weekend.She returned home on Sunday and again was fine for a few days and the nausea returned.Jamie was rushed back by her father on Thursday.We are still in a holding pattern and will know more after this weekend. So stay tuned and keep those prayers flyin' high,lord knows she can use them.

thanks Courtney

Home Sweet Home

2008-08-26T20:24:00.001-07:00

After 15 days in the hospital I finally got to return home. Well my Dad's home but that is close enough. It was nice to sleep in my own bed and watch the Olympics on a television bigger then 20inches. No more IV in the arm or drawing blood every morning. And no more peeing in a hat so they can measure my fluids. I could go on and on but I will stop there.

The nurses of course have been great. I have been really lucky on that end. I have spent so much time in the hospital they all know who I am and they all know my story. Every time I walk (hobble) down the hallway they encourage me and tell me how well I am doing. It has been nice to have that kind of encouragement.

I still have one JP drain and the drain in my kidney. I am not sure when those will be removed. They will have to run some tests before that happens. It still hurts to get up and down and to walk but the pain meds are helping a little.

The antibiotics have been making it difficult for me to eat and sometimes they cause me to throw up. They really upset my stomach. I am losing weight like crazy. I have to force myself to eat sometimes . . . actually all the time.

I am having a difficult time getting out to walk. Once I feel sick it is hard to get out of bed to do anything. I feel like I am going through a vicious cycle that is never ending. Then I worry about starting chemotherapy. I need to start it soon but I can't until I am healthy. My body won't be able to handle it at all. I pray that I get healthy soon so I can start chemo. I know that sounds weird but I need to start as soon as possible to make sure I get rid of this cancer for good! It is not a guarantee but I have to exhaust all options.

I am sure by now most of you have had a chance to read the recent issues of Triathlete, Nor Cal Competitor, and Mountain Bike Action Magazines. All of them reflected my first surgery. I remember how well I was doing back then. I often have to remind myself that during that time I thought it was hard. I thought I would never make it through and I did. That short time is a reminder to me that things will get better. This second surgery is a lot worse and the kidney infection is a huge set back but it will get better. I tell myself this everyday. I also have to hold onto my faith. My faith is what got me through the first time and it will get me through this time.

Please pray that I get healthy, that I am able to eat and that I can start walking more. Please pray for my family, this difficult time is wearing on them. I can see both my Dad and Courtney aging before my eyes! We do take time to laugh. It keeps us all sane. Besides I do enough to make everyone chuckle at least a few times a day.

Thank you to all of you who have continue to pray and support us. Thank you for the beautiful cards that continue to show up in the mail. Thanks for the awesome gift packages that make me smile and for the donations to paypal and for the gift cards. We would not be able to get through this without all of your help!

It is great to be home!

Jamie

When It Rains . . . It Pours!

2008-08-19T18:41:00.001-07:00

I wish I were writing that everything is ok and I am on the road to recovery but I have seemed to hit a few speed bumps. After I had my second drain removed and the last of my stitches I started to feel really sick. A few hours after dinner I threw up everything. My back was in a lot of pain all night long and by the next morning my temperature was up to 102 degrees. At first we thought I had food poisoning but my rising temperature told us otherwise. By Friday (two days later) my temperature was up to 103 degrees and the pain in my back was getting worse.

I was told I needed to return to UCSF to be checked out so I loaded up on pain killers and hoped in my Dad's SUV. I still have to travel in the back on an air mattress which was nice since I slept the entire way. I was pretty loopy! We arrived and were sent to the 4^th floor of Mt Zion. It was pretty empty. The halls seemed deserted and my room was nothing like the one I had on the 13^th floor at Parnassus. I was immediately sent in for X-Rays and a CT Scan. It wasn't easy maneuvering me on the machines but I managed. I also had some blood drawn to check for an infection. To top things off we missed the opening ceremonies because we didn't have NBC. My Dad and I were pretty bummed on top of all the pain I was in.

Saturday we found out I had a very severe Kidney infection and a high white blood cell count. I went in for a minor procedure that put three more drains in me. Two are in my back and the third runs from my kidney. It turns out my kidney was blocked and having trouble sending urine to my bladder. There is no telling how long I will have to have this or the other two drains. This time they want to be sure before they pull them out. I was also delirious for the first few days in the hospital because of my high temperature. It got all the way up to 104 degrees. I remember opening my eyes and my Dad was holding my hand while two other doctors were staring at me. They asked me what day it was so I looked at the daily calendar behind my Dad and guessed "Sunday." I was wrong it was Saturday. If it had been Friday I would have been right! They went on to ask me a few other questions that I did get correct but I must tell you I don't remember much before that.

I have been in the hospital for 11 days now. In the mornings I get really nauseous and need medication to help me feel better. I am back on methadone to help with the pain but I still have trouble walking. We are trying to eliminate all of this. I have been on antibiotics through IV form. The doctors informed us that I was septic because the infection went into my blood. This is very serious and has kept me in the hospital for more tests. I will have an Echo Cardio Gram of my heart valves to make sure they are not affected. After this test they will be able to give us more information.

All of this has set us back with chemo. I will not be able to start it in August like we previously planned. I need to get well before I can start the treatments. Hopefully I can get started in September so that I can get on with my recovery. I pray that my body will begin to recover and get stronger because it is very weak right now.

With all that is going on I know things will be ok. My faith is stronger then ever. It was the "Darkest of Times" that helped me see the light. When it rains, it pours . . . Luckily I have God for an umbrella! Something inside me tells me I will be ok!

Jamie

103 Degrees

2008-08-09T22:19:00.000-07:00

Hey guys. Courtney again. You probably all know by now that if I’m writing on Jamie’s blog, it’s not exactly good news. That’s definitely the truth this time around. Jamie has definitely been fighting the fight and on Friday…the fight got a bit harder for her. So let me back up and get you up to speed. On Wednesday of this week, Jamie went back to San Francisco for a follow up appointment. The doctors removed stitches and drains and conducted their general post op exam. Following the appointment, Jamie came home. She complained of stomach pain and I felt like hell thinking that something I’d made for her to eat that day had given her food poisoning. Looking back…I wish that was the case.

Jamie felt increasingly intense stomach pain, nausea, and back pain. She had a high temp and was miserable. After our initial thoughts of food poisoning, we thought she may have contracted the flu. But on Friday morning, Jamie’s temperature soared to 103 degrees. When the doctors were alerted about her temp, they insisted she come down on Friday for a cat scan and follow up exam. During the follow up they discovered areas of compartmentalized fluid build up in areas surrounding her glute, her spine and around her kidneys and bladder. While the original drains had been doing their job, her body was fighting infection and fluid build up in other areas of her body.

Jamie needed surgery again. This morning, a team of doctors were called back in to place three new drains around the kidney and surrounding organs. She’s recovering right now at the hospital. Her dad is with her and she’s resting. The doctors are watching her closely to ensure her drains are doing their jobs.

She’s tough. She’s been through hell. She’s amazing.

Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. Send her an e-mail. Keep in touch. She may not be able to pick up the phone or read your emails right away, but the calls and messages will be there for her when she can – and I know she’ll appreciate she’s not alone in this battle.

I’ll continue to keep you posted. You continue to keep her in your prayers.

Thanks to everyone.

Courtney

In The Darkest Hours

2008-08-03T18:31:00.001-07:00

It has been three weeks since my surgery and things aren't much better. Every night I go to bed praying the pain in my foot, knee and hip will go away. I pray that the swelling will go down and that walking will be easier and every morning I wake up with things still the same. I know it is still early in my recovery process but it is hard laying on my side, barely able to stand up. When I do stand, I can't straighten up. This surgery has really hit me hard.

I went to San Francisco Tuesday to meet with the plastic surgeons. They removed one drain and about half my stitches. The one doctor told me I would feel a weird sensation when he pulled it out and the head doctor piped up and said no this will hurt, it will hurt! I gritted my teeth, held my breath and hoped it would be quick. It did hurt and I still have one more that will be pulled out this Wednesday. I am not looking forward to this. They looked at the incision and decided it would be ok for me to sit for 30minutes at a time. Thank goodness because I was going out of my mind!

The rest of the week has been pretty much the same. Trying to walk a little each day, trying to get up to use the bathroom, trying to clean myself. I watch a LOT of TV and movies. I am catching up on everything I missed because I was on the road or racing. But it does get old after awhile. I would love to be swimming, lifting weights, anything that would take me outside.

I have been thinking a lot. Thinking about everything that has happened to me, everything that people write or say to me. I was remembering something that one of the physical therapists said to me in the hospital. She asked me what I do besides swim, bike or run. I looked at her and said kayaking, rock climbing, repelling and scrapbooking. She looked at me and said I should focus on scrapbooking. I didn't say anything back but something inside me wanted to. I wanted to say, "Do you know who you are talking to?" What kind of person tells an adrenaline junkie, a person who thrives on competition to take up scrapboooking and forget the rest? I haven't been able to get that conversation out of my head.

Saturday rolled around and I fell apart. I have been feeling depressed all week. I am tired of being in pain. I am tired of this cancer and what it has been doing to me and my family. I just want it to be over with. But it isn't and it won't be for awhile. That is when I broke down and started sobbing in front of my Dad and Courtney. I have been bottling some things up inside because I feel guilty for having these feelings. I cried and cried and began to tell them what I was thinking. I told them I was angry I would never be able to race again. I was upset that I would never be able to race Melanie and fight over the point series. Whether we were the best of friends or not, I LOVED racing her. I enjoyed battling it out for first place. If one of us won it meant we were the best that day. And if we came in second we knew there would be another chance, there would be another race. Now that is all gone. I won't be able to race her again.

I kept crying, frustrated over everything. I cried about not being able to just run and jump in the water or run on my favorite trails. I felt like my life as I knew it was over and everything will now be different. All of these feelings left me sad. Was I loosing a little bit of my faith? Was it wrong to have these feelings. I just kept crying. I couldn't stop. I finally unleashed it all. I wanted to go out on my own terms. I wanted to get 50 Xterra Championship wins, I wanted 3 World Championships. Instead I have 1 World Championship and 37 Xterra Championships. The ironic thing is that 3 and 7 are my favorite numbers. 13 is Courtney's favorite number and that is how many races I had left. As you can see I have a lot on my mind!

Once I was done crying, I felt so much better. It was out in the open. My Dad was hugging me tightly and Courtney was looking at me with sadness. No one knew what to say to me. My Dad finally said everything would be ok. He told me it was natural to have these feelings but not to loose faith. He knew I had been depressed all week. He could tell how much pain I have been in.

I prayed that night, apologizing to God for all of those feelings. I remembered the story of Job and felt like I had let everyone down. I have been so strong trying not to think about everything I lost. But eventually I had to face it. I had to face reality. I prayed for God's strength. I know he has a plan for me that reaches far beyond my racing. I know he is using me to help others.

Sunday, I began to read some of my emails and there it was. People were emailing me telling me how my faith and strength had helped them. In my darkest hours God once again sent me the strength I needed to continue on. As bad as it hurts, I know time will ease my pain. Eventually this will all be behind me and I will be speaking to others about this entire ordeal. I know my life is forever changed. I will no longer compete as a professional athlete but there are others things I can do. As everyone so nicely points out I have the gift of gab! I can be a motivational speaker, I can be a race announcer and I can do more coaching! It isn't over for me, it is just different!

In your darkest hours, remember your faith, remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to find the tunnel. If you look hard enough it is there!

Jamie

New Strength

2008-07-28T09:34:00.001-07:00

It hasn't been easy these past two weeks. In fact it has been a lot harder then the first surgery. The first time I lost my entire sciatic nerve so it was a true miracle I was walking. I didn't realize they had taken the entire nerve so I guess that was a good thing! This time around they took my entire glute muscle on the left side. Yes, the ENTIRE muscle. What does this mean? It means walking will be even more difficult for me.

Right now I can only stand or lay on my right side. This will be the case for at least four weeks. I have to allow the area to heal properly. That means no sitting at all. Balancing on my one leg becomes tiring after awhile so I find myself laying down most of the time. I have to have help getting up and going to the bathroom. Courtney installed some bars in the bathroom so I can at least take care of business on my own.

Walking right now is not easy. My knee is on overload and aches a lot when I walk too much. I am back to the walker so I can use my arms more and relieve some pressure on the leg. My hip is not strong at all. Without the muscle it is not being held in very well so I have to be careful how it is moved around. I have lost a lot more feeling in my leg. In fact I cannot feel the entire calf now. My leg is still swollen below the knee preventing me from wearing my brace or shoes. I have to walk outside with socks.

Life has been very frustrating for me. I feel like I am so much worse then I was before. I can remember just a short time ago I was praying and hoping I might return to my usual self. Now I just wish I were where I was before the surgery. I was coming to terms with my situation and things were progressing. Now I have another pitch fork in the program and it has really slowed me down. You could even say it has completely knocked me down but I am slowly getting up. Each day does get a little better!

Pastor Dan Perkins came to visit me in the hospital about a week after surgery. We talked a little about my situation. Then he wrote this on my message board:

Have you not heard? Have you never understood? The LORD is the EVERLASTING God! The creator of all the Earth. He never grows weary. No one can understand the depths of his understanding. He gives POWER to the weak and strength to the powerless. But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength!

They will soar high on wings of Eagles! They will RUN and not grow weary! They will walk and not faint!

ISA 40:28-31

I read this every single day several times a day. Sometimes I would just cry and other times I smiled ear to ear. This entire ordeal has been the hardest thing I have ever gone through. Harder then the adventure race I did with Mike Vine in Mexico. Harder then the three day mountain bike race I did with Courtney from one coast to the other in Costa Rica. The three hour Xterra races even pale in comparison to what I have gone through, am going through and still have to go through. It requires a new strength. One I didn't even know I had!

There have been so many times my brain has wanted to throw in the towel. I would think about how much pain I was in and still am in. Good thing I have so much heart. My heart is where my strength and faith come from. As bad as it gets and as frustrated as I feel I know I can and will get through this. Every single time I start to think I just can't do this God puts someone or something in my life to let me know I can. I can do this. I will walk again and I will fight harder then ever to get my leg moving!

I am so thankful for all of your emails during this time. Courtney has been reading them to me everyday. I have heard from some old friends and it has really brightened my day. As soon as I can sit I will be able to get back to all of you but right now it really is difficult for me to type. I have to stand and balance on my right leg. It gets pretty tiring after a few minutes! So keep the emails coming!

Jamie

sitting here in limbo.....

2008-07-20T17:42:00.001-07:00

It's been almost a week and we are still here. I may have mispoke when I told you all that everything was sunshine and rainbows. Jamie has spent the last 24 hours in pain. In order to stay ahead of this fast growing tumor the doctors removed both of her nerves(sciatic and sacral) at the spine.They also removed her whole glute muscle on her left side,along with a major portion of her sacrum(bone)and replaced it with a plastic mesh to fill the hole. All of this is going to make it even more difficult for her to balance, walk and even ride a bike.She has a tough road ahead of her, we hope that the finish line is on the horizon somewhere.

courtney

SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM

2008-07-15T08:58:00.001-07:00

After 12 + hours of surgery yesterday Jamie pulled trough like the true champion that she is.She is currently in the I.C.U. being monitored by the wonderful staff at UCSF.If you all get a chance send her an e-mail to www.gutzytrigirl@gmail.com so I have things to read to her to lift her spirits (and pass the time). Also if you have not had the chance to read her last post check it out below (quite insperational). Im off to see my baby I hope she is awake. I'll keep you posted.

COURTNEY

I Get Knocked Down But I Get Up Again . . .

2008-07-13T18:31:00.001-07:00

If you haven't heard this song before by Chumbawumba you should listen to it. Seriously, this is how I have felt for the past seven months. I feel like I keep getting knocked down, but then I keep getting up. The next line "You're never gonna keep me down . . . Well that certainly says it all. Whatever happens in the next few days, the next few months or even the next couple of years WILL NOT KEEP ME DOWN!

This week has seen several ups and down for me. Monday started out great. I went to the gym, I was on the elliptical trainer for 20minutes then hit the weights for 45min then the pool for about an hour. It was the first time I swam almost 3000y. Then I hoped in the car with my Dad and we were off to San Francisco for radiation. I then went to physical therapy and got my butt kicked but it really felt great to work hard.

Tuesday my grandma joined us because I had a couple of meetings with doctors and we needed her for the carpool lane. (Yes the carpool lane! S.F. requires you have 3 people.) I also wanted her along for extra ears and to ask questions my Dad and I might not think about. We first met with Dr. Jahan, the chemo doctor. He broke it to us quickly . . . I will need chemotherapy. I knew this would most likely be the case because of the tumor coming back so quickly. I will be hospitalized for 5-6 days but the chemo will only be for 24hrs a day for 4 days. Then I will go home for 2-3 weeks to recover. I will need a port near my collar bone to receive the chemo. I wasn't sad and I didn't feel like crying upon hearing all of this. I just smiled. I knew this has to be done to prevent the cancer from spreading to my lungs or any where else. I asked him for how long and he said 6 months. That floored me! I thought maybe 3 or 4 months but 6 months. That takes me into next year if I am able to start treatments the first week of August.

I asked Dr. Jahan if I would still be able to make the trip to Japan and he said that wouldn't be a good idea. It is too risky jumping on a plane after the first treatment. . . Not to mention I would be in another country if something went wrong. I understood. With chemotherapy the biggest risk is an infection because your white blood cell count can be very low. One percent of people going through chemo die from infection. With my luck I am not going to take that chance. We talked some more and I told him about my ambitions to swim at Tahoe in a relay and he laughed. He said the water is clean so he is not worried but it will depend largely on how I feel. He said he won't be a negative doctor and tell me no he will just be realistic and tell me how it is. He also said traveling to Maui is not off the table but he did explain that Maui does not have a great medical facility if something goes wrong. I would have to be very careful and if I get sick it may mean I have to be airlifted to Oahu for better medical care. Before we left he said that we were going to learn a lot from each other. He has never had a world class athlete go through this kind of chemo. We will find things out together! I left the office feeling strong about doing this. Most chemo doctors won't even let their patients swim in pools and mine said as long as I feel great I can do it. I may have to swim with a plastic baggy in my swim suit in case I throw up but I will be out there whenever I can! I won't let this knock me down!

We then went to radiation where I told all the guys about doing chemo. They felt bad but said they knew I would get through it. I smiled! I knew I could too! After eating lunch our next and final stop was to see the nerve doctor that was in the first surgery. He was surprised to see me doing so well. I asked him a lot of questions and most of the answers I did not want to hear. He told me I would never use my foot again. It was pretty much a done deal. He explained that the entire nerve was dead and a large section was removed. The nerve will not be able to grow back even if at a fast rate because it has nothing to attach to. It will just ball up. My heart sank. I couldn't believe this doctor was telling me there was no hope for my situation. He said I should just keep doing what I am doing and learn to adapt to my situation. He then asked me to bend my knee. I looked at him a little confused. Why was he asking me to bend my knee? Then I said "Like this?" and I bent my knee so that the heal of my foot was touching my leg. He had a strange look on his face, then he said "Wow that is really good. You weren't supposed to be able to bend your knee at all." He went on to explain how the nerves that bent my knee were severely damaged and not supposed to work. I smiled and realized a miracle had already happened. This doctor could say what he wanted I knew he wasn't God. Only God knows and only God can perform miracles!

We drove home that day (stopping at Red Lobster for an early dinner) and I just kept thinking about all the things I heard earlier. It was a lot to take in. I prayed for God's strength. I still have a lot to overcome and it is going to take a lot out of me. I will only get through it with God right beside me!

Wednesday was much better. I didn't get to work out Tuesday and I was pretty ramped up from everything I heard so I hit the gym hard in the morning. I bumped up the elliptical trainer to 30minutes, then did some ab work and then the pool again for an hour. Then it was off to radiation. Afterwards was a session with Rob at Body Concepts. I told him all about the latest news. He said I was a lot farther then he ever thought I would be so anything can happen! I liked hearing that.

Thursday was another tough day. I had another big workout in the morning. I needed to get out all my frustration. My sister met me at the gym then drove me down to S.F. It was nice to have the time to talk with my big sister. She has been training to run a marathon. It seems like everyone in my family is now running . . . They would choose to do this when I can't!! Just kidding! I am happy for her because I can see that she really enjoys it. Now she knows how I felt all those years. Radiation was a breeze. When I hopped off the table I yelled, "One more day . . . One more day!" The guys laughed. They knew I had been counting since day one! I then met with Dr. Gottchalk for one final visit. He wanted to make sure I didn't have any questions about the radiation I will be receiving on the operating table. I didn't because he did such a great job at explaining everything the week before! So off we went to my next appointment with my new nerve doctor!

Dr. Chau, the neuro-spinal surgeon was really nice. He walked in and explained everything to me. I was all alone because my sister was still parking the car. Dr. Chau explained that he will go in and remove the rest of my sciatic nerve, scrape the sacral bone and remove part of the sacral nerve. Most likely there will be more nerve damage. I will have more numbness and there may be more damage to the functional nerves. I did not want to hear this. I was under the impression that there are 3 sciatic nerves towards the top and they branch off as they move down the leg. I was led to believe that only the nerve controlling my foot was cut. This doctor was telling me that was false and that my entire nerve was already gone. I thought to myself if that is true how are my hamstring and glute firing. It is only a little but they are getting stronger. I kind of shut down and just listened to the rest of what the doctor said. He kept telling me how serious this was. I would have two incisions, one from the back where he will be working and one from the front where Dr. Nakakura will be working. At this point I just wanted to leave. Dr. Chau asked me if I had any questions but I just couldn't speak. I smiled shook his hand and then he left. My sister finally showed up as did my friend Marcus who works there. I asked him a few questions about everything I had been hearing and he said it is too early to say anything. He also said every doctor interprets the pathology a little differently. "Just wait and see," he said!

My sister and I got lost on the way out of there. I was so frazzled I just couldn't think. I wanted to cry but I didn't want to break down in front of my sister. I didn't want her to be sad. I know how hard this is on my family so I knew I had to be strong. We finally found our way across the Bay bridge and headed home. I had a physical therapy appointment and I was going to be late. I called my Dad to meet us in Sacramento at a gas station so he could take me the rest of the way. I was about 20minutes late (I called ahead and told them) and thankfully Nick is understanding. I told him the bad news, all of it! He simply said that I was the hardest working person he had ever met which was why I was as far along as I was. He said that if anyone could do it, it would be me. Don't listen to the doctors and just keep working hard. I smiled because I knew he was right. Doctors know what they know but God is the only one that knows everything. My uncle once told me that in order for something to be a miracle everyone has to say it is impossible! Such profound words when you are trying to not let go of hope. So that day I grabbed back onto my hope. I am holding it tightly and no matter what anyone says I am not letting go!

Friday, I was back in the gym. Courtney joined me as usual since he is my driver on Friday's! I kicked his butt on the elliptical trainer (30minutes again.) and then in the pool! We then headed to radiation. My last day! Whoopee! I brought Courtney into the room to show him where it all takes place. Then we handed out his dad's wine (Thank you Michael and Denise) to all the guys that have taken such good care of me. I also gave one to my friend Gail! She is the last one of my little women's group. I wanted her to know I would be thinking of her always! Then I handed the guys a signed poster of me so they would never forget how much I appreciated them. They truly made radiation a breeze!

Courtney and I then went to the wharf for lunch before I had to get a MRI. I had a clam chowder bread bowl and Courtney, not liking anything from the sea, had a corn dog and garlic fries. As I ate my food I looked around at all the different people walking the streets of San Francisco. I took a deep breath and smelled the fresh air. Life really is good!

On our way home we stopped off to have dinner with our good friends Cliff and Janet. They have both been such a tremendous support. Cliff is one of my best friends. He has always been there for me no matter what. Janet is such a special person. She can make anything from paintings, to pottery to glass work. Every time I go into the hospital or get out she has something for me. Artwork is so therapeutic. I love everything she has made for me. I put it up where I can see it so that it reminds me to smile, to appreciate what life has to offer. I love the both of them to death! I told them about the latest news and they simply said, "You are going to be alright!"

Saturday I was back in the gym. I only have two days to get as much in as possible. Courtney and I met our friend Jon Bik at the pool! After talking for a bit and filling him in we hopped in the pool. After a good warm up I decided to have us all do 10x100's with 20seconds rest. Courtney was kicking our butt but that is because he can kick with both legs. After that we did an easy 100 then 8x25 sprints. I took the pull buoy off for this. We made Courtney give us a little head start. By the end off each one we were all touching the wall pretty much at the same time. I then did a 400 pull and then a cool down before we hit the dry sauna. That was the first time Jon swam that hard in the pool. I talked to him about possibly coaching him so he could teach me about working with challenged athletes. He then offered his services to help coach if I am able to get a triathlon camp going. It will be a camp for anyone but I will sponsor challenged athletes so they can come for free!

After we had enough of the heat, Courtney and I headed into the gym for more working out. I was on the elliptical trainer again for 30minutes while Courtney ran on the treadmill. Then we hit the weights for an hour. I knew this would be my last chance to get a lot of training in for awhile! It felt great. I felt great! Then we went to lunch, ran some errands and went home. We played several board games with my Dad then watched a couple movies before going to bed!

This brings me to this morning, Sunday! My last day to work out. My last day for a long while of feeling pretty good! I will work out in the gym and then we will head to S.F. for the night. My surgery is at 7:30am so I have to be at the hospital to check in at 6am! I have a lot to pray for before the morning and I ask all of you to please pray for me!

Please pray:

1. The nerve doctor does not take more then he needs too! That he has steady hands.

2. There is no further nerve damage (Functional or superficial)

3. I can still go to the bathroom on my own with no bags

4. I wake up

5. I can still walk , possibly better then I am now

6. I recover quickly (they say it will take longer because of the radiation damage.)

7. I can be at least as good as I am now

8. I am out of the hospital quickly

9. Anything else you can think of and please be specific

10. Extreme Makeover Home Edition picks me so I can live comfortably in my own home!!!

I don't know if any of you watched the UFC fight between Forest Griffin and Rampage Jackson last weekend but it was awesome. Rampage is the hardest hitting guy in the UFC and Forest is the toughest guy in the UFC. In the first round Rampage rocked Griffin's world. Everyone thought he was going down but he didn't. In the 4^th and 5^th round Rampage kept hitting him hard and you would see Griffin start to go down but then jump back into it and start throwing punches. Rampage just could not knock him out. The point of telling you about this is so you can think of me like Forest. The cancer, my disability, the doctors, they are all Rampage Jackson. They are hitting me hard. Really hard. They are pretty much rocking my world. I am Forest Griffin and I am not going down. I may start to but then I shake it off and start throwing some punches of my own!

With God at my side and my tenacity, I may not be in Japan this year for the Xterra race, but I will surely be in Tahoe and Lord willing in Maui. I will be bald but I will be there will bells on. And hopefully I will be in the swim proving that as bad as it gets, I will be stronger!

Remember to pray for me and my family and friends on Monday and the days that follow. I have a long road ahead but I see the light at the end. I can see the downhill to this incredible uphill battle I have been enduring!

Jamie

PS I just want to thank those of you that have nominated us for Extreme Makeover Home Edition. There is one more day to nominate. You do not have to fill out the long nomination form. You simply scroll down to the bottom of Courtney's message and there is a second website that allows you to send in a short email nomination. You will need to know that Courtney is 33 and I am 32. If you need our address email me and I will email it back to you. The reason's why we need a makeover are pretty simple: Need to make the entire house disability friendly. We need central air and heating. We have dry rot all over the outside of the house. We need a new roof. We have frogs, reptiles, mice and ants sharing my little workout room. We have an ant problem we cannot seem to get rid of in the kitchen every summer. I cannot walk around the property because it is unsafe with no landscaping. That is the short version of our problems! And thanks again to all of those that have already helped!

Just Do It!

2008-07-06T21:16:00.001-07:00

What do people see when they look at you? How do you stand out? Before all of this happened to me, I used to go to the gym without anyone barely noticing me. I used to walk around in the grocery store without a glance. When you have a disability people can't help but notice you. Knowing this makes it all the more important to have a smile on my face. To have determination in my eyes and to not let the staring get me down.

I was swimming for the first time since last year in open water. It was quite the challenge to walk down the steep hill to get to the water. Then I needed help getting my wetsuit on while I was standing on a bunch of rocks. About 20 minutes later I was ready to go. I crawled on my hands and foot through the shallow part of the water so I wouldn't fall. I learned this by watching Jonathon Bik in Temecula. It worked really well. Once I got out into the deep water it felt so nice to just float.

It was different swimming without being able to use my legs. I tried to kick but it just wasn't working so I put my good foot underneath my bad foot and off I went. Courtney was of course swimming circles around me like always but I was holding my own. I was out there for about 34 minutes before calling it quits. I was getting a little chilled! As I got out of the water there was a couple nearby. They kept looking at me as I was carried out of the water on Courtney's back then carefully placed on a rock to take my wetsuit off. They tried not to stare but they were somehow drawn to keep looking. I dried off and put my prosthetic boot on and then grabbed my cane. The couple continued to look. Then we made our way up the steep hill, my cane in one hand and tightly holding onto Courtney with the other.

I couldn't really make sense of why this couple was so fascinated by us. Then Courtney piped up, it's because people don't expect to see people like you doing things that extreme. He's right you know! People don't expect to see people with disabilities living life. I guess some folks think we crawl into holes and feel sorry for ourselves. I refuse to feel sorry for myself. I am not going to just stop everything and let this disease or this disability stop me from moving forward.

All my days are not easy. Most of them have been pretty good. I have met such wonderful people because of cancer. Everyday when I go to my radiation treatments I get to hang out with some amazing women and we just talk. Mostly about getting cancer, what kind, and how radiation is going. One lady has been battling cancer for 14 years. And everyday I see her she is so full of life. She truly inspires me not to give up. Another lady had a very similar experience with a sarcoma. Although mine was a nerve tumor, hers was a vascular tumor that caused her almost the exact same pain in the exact same area. What are the chances of that? There are so many other stories and they all have one thing in common . . . Fighting cancer. Most of the women have already gone through chemo so I ask a lot of questions. I like to know what I am up against. Thankfully they are all happy to share with me. 5 more days. That's all I have left of radiation. 5 more days!

I forgot to mention the elliptical trainer. I have been working out on the elliptical trainer almost everyday last week. I started with 15 minutes then worked my way up to 25. It is a little tricky because my left leg wanders in and I have to keep picking up my foot and moving it back to where it started. This happens about every 45seconds to a minute. If I pay attention I can hold it off for about 3 minutes but then there it is moving to the inside of the machine. It is the closest thing to running right now so I will take what I can get. I do have dreams where I am running along the trails near my house but then I always wake up. They seem so real!

About a month after my surgery I was in the pool for the second time and I ran into a friend. He races Ironman and is a top notch athlete. He was happy to see me in the pool. As we were talking he said, "I don't know what I would do if that happened to me." I didn't know how to respond to the comment so I just smiled. Later that day as I thought about it, I knew the answer . . . YOU JUST DO IT! You wake up one day, you realize your foot doesn't work and may never work and you just do it. You just get up everyday, you go to the gym, you go to radiation, you go to physical therapy, you go to the store, you go to the movies, and you carry on with life. I can't change my situation but I can make the most of it.

When people see me, I want them to see someone who is happy to be alive. I want them to see a fighter. I want them to see my determination and strength. I want them to see God through me.

Next Monday is the big day, my second surgery. Please pray that they get the tumor and stop the cancer from coming back. Please pray that there is no further damage to my body. There is a chance my bladder can be affected and there is a greater chance of further nerve damage from the high dose of radiation. And most of all please pray that I wake up!

Thank you so much for all of your continued support through this difficult time. It has meant so much to me and to Courtney. We are so incredibly blessed by such wonderful friends and family!

Jamie

Bamboo and a Rock

2008-06-30T19:52:00.001-07:00

Would you rather have one good foot standing on a rock or two good feet standing in quick sand?

I may only have one good foot but I am surely standing on solid ground. It is my faith that gives me such stability. As bad as it may get, I always know where I am going.

The last few weeks have been about swimming. I am up to 6 days a week and loving every minute of it. I can swim about 250yards without a pull buoy which doesn't seem like much. If you saw me the first time I got in the water you would know this was quite an accomplishment. The rest of the time I use the pull buoy and even my paddles. I am getting stronger and stronger with upper body lifting. And it seems like everyday I meet someone new at the gym. Lots of folks stare and try to figure out what is wrong with me and occasionally some ask. I happily tell them I had a cancerous nerve tumor removed and it left my foot paralyzed with a smile.

As much as I keep having these minor setbacks (ok major) I continue to try to set goals for myself. The first is trying to get to Xterra Japan. Not to race but to cheer on those that have been sending their support throughout my ordeal. I have gone to this race for the past 4 years and I don't want to miss it this year. Friends from Saipan will be there and I was hoping to talk some folks from the U.S. into going. I even spoke to my radiation doctor asking him if it would be possible if I had to start chemo just before the trip. He smiled and said, "I guess if you can do a triathlon you could hop on a plane and go to Japan." He did ask me if I was planning to race and I laughed!

Another goal is trying to do a relay at the Xterra Tahoe Championship. With all this swimming I figure I can at least do the swim. Courtney wants me to try the entire short race on the back of a tandem. It would mean walking the run but I am up for the idea. I figure I will know for sure closer to the day of the race. There are a ton of other goals, but I have to remember to slow down.

I like to think of myself as a piece of bamboo. It is hard to contain and it can endure a lot. That pretty much says it all. When I showed up for my weekly physical therapy at Body Concepts with Rob, his partner Linda had a surprise waiting for me. She presented me with a beautiful painting, that she painted of bamboo. It was perfect! She even had Chinese Characters painted on it by her teacher describing what she wanted to convey through the painting. I was speechless. For those that know me well, this does not happen often!

Not much has truly brought me to tears since going through all of this but one thing surely has . . . generosity. Kind gestures like the bamboo painting, simple emails saying, "I am praying for you," and the support from so many. I can smile everyday because I know somewhere, somehow I am inspiring someone. I will continue to fight hard and push the limits because I will always have someone there with me from God, to family and friends.

All of this has made my plight to get on Extreme Makeover Home Edition all the more important. I would like to have triathlons camps on our property. These camps would be for anyone and everyone but I would like to start sponsoring Challenged Athletes and teach them the skills needed to try an Xterra! After all, I am learning first hand what it is to do things with a disability!

Yes, I am happy because I know I may have only one good foot, but I am standing firmly on a rock!

Jamie

30 Days and Counting

2008-06-18T22:17:00.001-07:00

It seems like we count down to everything in life, when the work day will be over, when the weekend will come, when school is out, when vacation will start and when the next race will be. My current situation is no different. Right now I am counting the days until my radiation is over.

I am supposed to go through 30 days of radiation. We drive back and forth 5 days a week. After 4 days of treatments I was called into the doctors office. As I sat in the office I wondered why I was having this unexpected visit with my radiation and sarcoma doctor. After commenting on how healthy I was looking, Dr. Nakakura went on to tell me I had another tumor growing. It was growing from the area of the nerve that had been cut out. It was indeed a new tumor, but most likely from left over microscopic cells. We knew this might happen since the doctors were unable to take a margin around the original tumor. So now my radiation days have been cut a few days short. I am not sure if that is a good thing or not!

This new tumor is already the size of a baseball at 8.3cm. It is growing up my sacral nerve near my spine. It is growing fingers which are trying to grab onto my sacral bone (the tailbone.) Luckily it cannot grow into the bone because it is a nerve tumor.

The plan is to continue with radiation in hopes that it shrinks. I am tentatively scheduled for surgery on July 14^th or sometime that week. It all depends on the schedule of the new doctor they have to bring in to help remove the tumor. A neuro-spinal surgeon has now joined the team because the tumor is so close to my spine. When they remove this ornery little bugger they will hit me with a really high dose of radiation and hope that is enough. I guess we will see.

For the last two weeks, Xterra went to Alabama and Richmond. Normally I would have been there fighting for the win. Now I am in a fight for my life.

Other than all of that things are good. Physical therapy is going great. I have two great physical therapists that have been working me hard to get my legs firing. I am lifting weights 2-3 times a week and swimming at least 4 times a week. For the most part I feel pretty good. It is nice to be doing something. My arms and core and quickly getting back into shape. My legs or should I say leg on the other hand is still the same.

The other day at the gym I met a guy who competes in the Paralympics for the U.S. in the hand cycle. It was nice to sit and chat with him and hear him encourage me not to give up.

Everyday I wake up and venture out into the world I have a smile on my face. I know things will be ok. I know God is watching over me and giving me the strength needed to fight hard. I am not about to let this thing beat me. I am not about to give up. I still have too many things to do, too many places to visit and I feel I am destined to do something great!

Before I forget, Courtney and I are putting together all the info needed for the Extreme Makeover, Home Edition Nominee form. We have all the pictures of our house and will be downloading them soon. We really appreciate all of those who have already sent in nominations and those who have asked for more info. We are so blessed to have all of you for support.

Please continue to pray for the healing of my left leg and foot. Please also pray for my newest challenge of another tumor. Please pray for my doctors and their healing hands and that this time they get it ALL!

10 days down, 20 to go!

Jamie

It’s as Simple as a Mustard Seed!

2008-05-29T13:05:00.001-07:00

How much faith do you need? Faith is easy to come by when you know the outcome but the true test of Faith is when you don't know what will happen!

The past two weeks have been especially difficult for me. First the hormone shots I was taking floored me. I had no energy for several days. I could barely pick myself up off the couch to go to the bathroom. This increased tiredness then led to feelings of sorrow. I was given the news that in my current condition running may never be possible. It would be easier if I didn't have a foot. That was not something I wanted to hear. Courtney ended up calling the fertility doctor to find out if what I was experiencing was normal. We were told these were side effects from the hormones. It was hitting me harder then most because my body was still recovering.

My trip down to Temecula for the Xterra West Championship was bitter sweet. It was great to see everyone. To feel "a little normal" since my life was turned upside down. I was glad I went because I had a chance to talk with friends and to let people see me in person. So many had no clue to the extent of my "illness." Most folks thought since the tumor was successfully removed that I was in the clear. Boy, you should have seen the looks on their faces! But then there were others that couldn't believe how great I looked. I guess it just depended on how you looked at my situation.

Watching the race was quite different for me. I have always been on the other side not the sideline! I'm not going to lie it was a little hard to swallow, but when the gun went off and the temperature reached 100 degrees I was happy to cheer the racers on and give splits. I think the hardest part was seeing Melanie come into transition off the bike and know I wasn't going to be trying to run her down. My Dad and I walked up to the finish line area so I could get out of the sun and watch folks run in. It was at that moment that I had the biggest desire to return to racing. I knew I was to sick to return to any racing this year but it lit the fire in me to do what it takes to get back to what I love. It was also nice to sit and talk with Melanie after she crossed the finish line in first place. She has been a huge support through this incredibly difficult time. In fact those that you least expect to be there have been there the most! If you would like to see a picture of use check out her website.

That fire that I had in my eye was quickly extinguished with a new set of challenges. As the time to harvest my eggs grew closer my ovaries were each the size of grapefruits. The tumor that was in there before was now replaced with two things that size. It wasn't bad until the morning of the egg retrieval. My stomach was completely swollen and I was having severe cramping. I kept telling myself it was all worth it and the pain would pass.

Sunday morning we received a call that sixteen of my eggs were mature enough. Sixteen, I can't believe it. In the midst of so many bad things, so much bad news we were finally blessed with good news. Praise God for that. As much as I wanted to go out and celebrate I was in too much pain and it was getting worse. I would cry in agony because the pain was so bad. If you think about it, just eight weeks ago I was sliced open and had my insides placed on a table to remove the tumor. Now all of those organs that were trying to heal were being crushed by two more giants. It was excruciatingly painful. I kept thinking if this was a precursor to child birth I am going to be waiting awhile because my body has already been through a lot and it still isn't over!

As I write this I am still in so much pain. I was crying up a storm to my Dad praying God would give me the strength or have mercy on me. For so long I have been in pain. Not knowing what is going to happen has been frustrating for me. I am starting to lose sleep again. I like to sleep. Sleep is when the body can heal itself. If I can't get the rest I need how is my body supposed to heal? When I thought I couldn't take anymore I opened up my computer to check my emails. As I read them I knew God had sent me the strength I needed to get through one more night. It was reading your words that I found comfort.

Back when I was in the hospital (I think the second time) I didn't know what was going on. I remember calling my Dad and balling my eyes out. I was scared. No one knew what I had or how to go about getting it out. My Dad told me to have a little faith. He told me all I needed was faith the size of a mustard seed and I could move a mountain. I dried the tears rolling down my cheek and asked if he could bring me a mustard seed.

When my Dad came to relieve Courtney he handed me a small box. I opened it and inside I found a cross on a chain. I asked my Dad who this was from. He looked at me and replied, "Me you ding dong! It's the mustard seed you wanted." As I looked closer at the cross there in the middle was a mustard seed. I smiled.

The greatest faith comes when you don't know what tomorrow brings. I am in a place in my life when I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I don't know if I will wake up and be healed. I don't know if I will ever be able to race again. I don't even know if I will need to go through chemo after my radiation treatments. The one thing I do know is that I only need faith the size of a mustard seed!

Keep the Faith

2008-05-15T12:00:00.001-07:00

Not a day goes by without me thinking about how I could have done things differently. If I could have somehow caught this sooner, then I wouldn't have lost the use of my foot. As much as I think about that, I think about how it could have been worse. How I could have lost the use of my entire leg and not been able to walk like I already am!

My physical therapist says I am progressing along pretty well. In fact better then expected. When people see me they can't believe I just got out of the hospital less then six weeks ago. I do feel like I am getting better and stronger everyday but I am not where I want to be. That is the impatient side of me. The side that wants to be whole again right now. As I go through physical therapy I realize how far I still have to go before I can even get back on a bike.

I believe everything happens for a reason. I know this has happened for a reason. I also know that I won't get through this with my strength but will God's strength. I know there are some nay sayers out there that don't understand what it means to have faith or don't understand why these things happen to people. Sometimes they just do. There is no rhyme or reason as to why this happened to me. But know this, I will not let this stop me from carrying on with my life. You see, I also believe in the power of prayer. There are thousands of people across the world that have been praying for me. It really can't get better then that. Miracles happen everyday. Whether you believe they happen or not, they are happening. A few months from now or even a year from now, God may decide you will now feel your foot and I will.

Throughout my life I have also learned that you must be very specific in what you pray for. Before I went in for surgery I asked God to please allow me to come out alive, to be able to go to the bathroom, to be able to walk and to be able to have children. If you think about it, everyone one of those has come true. I am of course, still working on the having children. But I am walking on my own with a cane. How cool is that?! But I probably should have asked to please allow me to have the use of every body part.

This last week has been amazing. We continued to celebrate my birthday with a party on Saturday. Lot's of folks showed up and couldn't believe how well I was doing. I was just so happy to look into the eyes of all my friends and have them look back with a big smile. For so long when I looked at people I could see how sorry they were that I was going through this. I could see how sad everyone was. I could see how my family looked at me when I was screaming in pain. But now when I looked I saw nothing but happiness for me. I could see the surprise in them at how well I was getting around despite my handicap!

When I got home that night, I put everyone's birthday cards where I could look at them whenever I sat in bed. Just a few months ago we didn't know if I was going to make it to my 32^nd birthday. That's the power of prayer!

Earlier this week I had some really good days of physical therapy. They were very challenging but you can see the improvement from it. My dad commented on how he couldn't believe there were so many exercises for the same muscles. It is amazing how so many different things can engage a group of muscles. We learned that nerves are not like muscles. You don't want to push them to exhaustion. Nerves are more like a battery, once you run them down you have to wait until they recharge. This gave me a whole new outlook on what I should be doing to maximize "training." With muscles we overload them and push through the fatigue. Instead of doing a whole bunch of exercises at once I have to spread them throughout the day.

I am currently staying at one of my sponsor's home near So Cal (

www.esigrips.com ). Tomorrow we head to Temecula for the first Xterra of the season in the U.S. It will be a little hard for me to sit by the sideline and watch the race instead of being in it. But I know that my body is far from being ready to race again. It will be great to just be able to say Hi to all my Xterra friends and let them know that as well as I am doing, I still need their prayers!

Jamie

Stop and Smell the Roses

2008-05-06T13:54:00.001-07:00

I apologize for the delay in updating my blog. I am trying to keep it current each week so you know what is going on with me. This is going to be a long story to bring you all up to date!

It amazes me how quickly life can change. One minute I was preparing for the 2008 season and the next I was in so much pain I couldn't walk or sleep. I never imagined I would have cancer. I exercise, I eat well and I have only a small family history of cancer. But here I am celebrating my 32^nd birthday after having a spindle cell sarcoma (A nerve tumor with cancer) removed from my pelvic area. Most nerve tumors are benign. In fact only three percent have cancer. Three percent!

Over the past few weeks I have been up and down with my emotions. I went to UCSF a week and a half ago to get my prosthetic (IFO) walking boot. I have to admit I was pretty excited because tying up my foot with an ace bandage was getting a little old. Before I left the hospital they took a mold of my leg and foot to make it a custom fit. I put it on and walked around a bit to test it out. It was amazing! It helped throw my foot forward so I could walk correctly.

After that meeting we had to hurry across town to get to my other appointment with Dr. Nakakura. I was going to see him for a quick check-up on my recovery process. We were also going to find out if I needed radiation. I had all sorts of questions about when I could start swimming, biking and lifting weights! Don't get me wrong I wasn't planning on jumping into Xterra training, I just wanted to know if I could splash around in the water and hop on a training bike or Tandem to spin the legs a little. I also wanted to make sure I didn't overdo trying to lift anything heavy when I try to do things on my own around the house! I also got to tell Dr. Nakakura that I was up to a mile and a half of walking with my cane. He was pretty amazed over my progress and glad to see "the real Jamie" and not the Jamie in excruciating pain. I was told I needed to slow down and take things easy. I must remember that my body is still recovering from all the trauma and surgery! I was told healing the first time is most important because it is the strongest. The last thing I want is to set myself back any further then I already am. I got a clear understanding of things and realized I really need to listen to my body. Then the radiation doctor came in to talk about my options. Basically there wasn't any. The consensus was that there wasn't enough information on my type of cancer tumor. He also explained they couldn't remove a margin around my tumor. In most cases doctors remove the tumor with a bunch of extra tissue or muscle around the tumor. If they did that for me they would have taken part of my intestine, rectum and uterus. I think you get the picture!

I didn't hear much of what the radiation doc said because I was to busy crying the entire time. The only thing I could think about was having children. Getting radiation in the area where the tumor was removed meant hitting my left ovary and possibly the right. I won't even go into the other side effects. The poor radiation doctor felt like he was the bad doctor who came in and crushed everything good. He made me laugh and I explained it wasn't him, I knew radiation was something I had to do to make sure the cancer doesn't spread.

While we drove home that afternoon, all of our minds were trying to figure out our next move. I mostly cried, my Dad was calculating the cost in gas and tolls, and Courtney was figuring out how we could harvest my eggs in three weeks. Both of them felt so bad for me and everything I already endured. Then my Dad turned and said "Do you know that it will cost $240 in tolls to go back and forth for radiation?" I laughed! My Dad was the one who wanted to make sure I had the best doctors and he was the one that was going to be driving me back and forth 5 days a week for 30 days.

Time has not been on my side this year but God has. I prayed that night about what to do over the future of my eggs. On Friday, Courtney came home early. I asked him if he had any news on harvesting my eggs. He looked at me and said he didn't think we had enough time. I turned around crying, "I'm going to have dogs for the rest of my life, I'm going to be the Dog Lady." As I said it I knew it was funny but I was too busy crying. Courtney laughed and picked up the phone book to start calling around. He picked one place in Davis and called them. They agreed to meet with us on a Saturday which they don't usually do.

We learned about the effects of radiation and that it was probably a good idea I try to harvest some eggs. He felt 3 weeks was possible but if I could get 4, it would be easier on me since my ovaries would expand to giant balloons. It was no problem to set back my radiation to late May, early June. Once again God answered my prayer! What a relief!

In the midst of all of this, Courtney and I decided to go to Wildflower to support Cannondale. I wanted to make myself available to talk with anyone and everyone! We arrived Friday night and parked next to the other Cannondale motor home right on the lake. It was a beautiful view and the best place to accommodate my walking needs. It put us right near the ginormous transition area. We ate pasta with Bill Rudell and the guys from Incycle Bike shop. Then we turned in for the night.

Saturday came early, very early. Between the music and the race announcer I don't know how anyone could sleep. I eventually rolled out of bed to eat breakfast and watch the waves of Long course athletes followed by the Mountain bike sprint athletes. My Cannondale sponsor was doing the sprint tri! How cool is that!

For the rest of the day we wandered around the pit area cheering on racers as they ran down the finish shoot. Most of my time was spent in the FCA (Fellowship of Christian athletes) endurance tent. Right next to it was the John Wayne Cancer Foundation. I kept joking how I should be sitting in between the tents. It was then that I realized I wasn't just a pro athlete Powered By God, I was a PRO CHALLANGED ATHLETE POWERD BY GOD and CANCER SURVIVOR! I'm still the same person, I just added a few hats to wear. Wouldn't it be great if I could overcome my handicap and still compete as a pro? I believe in miracles. They happen everyday all around the world. One may happen to give me feeling back in my left foot but I'm not going to sit around and wait for it. Life is too short. As I began to realize this it made me remember both my mantras. "Look at the trail ahead not the obstacle" and "With God's Strength, For God's Glory." As I sat there I began to smile. I was looking at my situation all wrong. Part of me was still a little angry I wasn't racing this season but now I was able to let go. I am going to come back stronger then ever, but first I have to heal!!

It was getting late so we headed back to camp. I already walk slow so stopping along the way and talking made it even longer. Courtney kept nudging me along. When we finally got there all sorts of people yelled "SURPRISE!" All day long Courtney was inviting old friends and new to our camp for a surprise birthday party! This birthday was very important to me because of everything that has happened. At one point I wasn't sure I was going to make it! And here I was standing around lots of people with great big smiles on their face. It was a Kodak moment and a blessing from God! Courtney played a big role with the help of Bill and Jim Felt! We had hot dogs, homemade mac 'n cheese and salad. Pastor Dan brought 2 cakes and lots of ice cream. One cake said "Happy Birthday" and the other "Jamie, Powered By God!" Pastor Dan rocks! I just want to THANK everyone again for coming and making that a birthday to remember! I get to celebrate again this weekend. Whoopee!

After the party we wandered over to the Avia campsite. Avia was the title sponsor of Wildflower. Chris McCormick was there. He won the men's race that day. He and his wife along with their kids came over to talk with me. He had all sorts of questions about how I was doing! It was really nice of him to take the time to chat. I can't believe I forgot to get a signed poster of him for my wall of fame. Hopefully next time!

Sunday morning came quickly! My birthday! I made it to 32! Sarah Reinertsen, a challenged athlete who has always inspired me, called it my double sweet sixteen. We headed to a church service that morning in the expo area. It was a great message about loving God and others! After the service we headed to Jim and Diane Felt's trailer for breakfast and a movie. The rest of the day we wandered around. I was lucky enough to run into a couple of challenged athletes. One was from my area, the other, Andy was from San Francisco. Andy had a lot of tips for when I get back on the bike since he was also a mountain biker and Xterra athlete. It was getting late so we packed up camp and headed home.

The drive home was long but it gave me time to reflect on everything that happened. I have a unique opportunity to be a bigger role model and I hope an inspiration. I still have a tough road ahead but I know I will get through it. Look how far I already have!

I wanted to ask all of you to please check out www.jwcf.org. It is a great foundation to help fight other cancers. I almost forgot to mention a new company called action wipes. They had a booth at Wildflower. These wipes are awesome. They make you feel fresh when you can't get to a shower and you don't feel sticky after using them. You can also reuse the wipe. It can be thrown in the washing machine and then sprayed with the Sports spray, then it is just like new. Don't take my word for it, check it out yourself at www.actionwipes.com.

One more thing. . . Remember when I mentioned it would cost $240 in tolls to get to SF for my radiation treatments? Well a really cool person and great friend handed me a card at my birthday with a FasTtrac electronic device so we can breeze through without stopping to pay! I am so grateful and blessed. God's work!

Please pray the doctors are able to get some eggs to freeze before I start radiation. And please pray radiation goes well. Last but not least please pray I get the feeling back in my left foot and that I am able to use it!

I apologize for the lengthy blog. I will keep it updated more often so I won't have so much to write at once!!

Thank you so much for your prayers and continued support through this difficult time. Your emails have been awesome and keep me going strong!

Powered By God,
Jamie

Taking a Break

2008-04-22T23:17:00.001-07:00

Where do I start? What a week! First of all I must tell you all that I started last week walking two laps around the block with my walker and by Friday I was walking them with a cane. Then I found out, after Courtney measured with his truck, each lap was half a mile. In just two short weeks out of the hospital I was up to walking one mile with a cane! When I see Dr. Nakakura he is going to flip.

After I walked the mile on Friday, we hoped in the car and headed down to Sea Otter. I haven't been there in six years because I was always over seas racing in Saipan. I wanted to go and meet all of my teammates on the Mona Vie/Cannondale team. We arrived in Monterey about 7pm and met up with our team manager Matt Ohran. He is such an awesome guy. When the rest of the team showed up we headed to a Greek restaurant for dinner, where we met up with Bill Rudell. He is my sponsorship contact at Connondale. I can not say enough nice things about him. We had a blast hanging out. Everyone was so nice. After dinner we headed to our hotel and went straight to bed!

Saturday we woke up bright and early to help Matt get food for breakfast and set up at our booth. The team invited a slue of media folks to sample Mona Vie. Courtney ended up making smoothies all morning long with Mona Vie Acai shots. First of all I must explain what is Acai! Acai is a berry from the Brazilian rain forest. It has 'unparallel antioxidant levels and superior nutrient content.' It is described as the worlds top superfood. Not to mention how great it tastes. Mona Vie delivers the benefits of this berry with freeze dried acai powder. It is the most effective and concentrated form of acai. They even have an 'active' form which combines the plant derived glucosamine. Mona Vie also provides gel packs for on the go people like myself. Two shots a day and you are good to go for a healthier and more energetic day! This product combined with all the organic product that Clif Bar provides it is no wonder I am ahead of the game. I seriously have been living on all of this stuff for the past few months during all of my hospitalizations and pain. Boy, if I hadn't been on all of this plus Jamba Juice I may have lost more then 16 pounds!

So back to my wonderful weekend . . . When we got to the booth, Bill was telling me lots of folks stopped by on Friday asking about me. I was pretty excited to see everyone! After all I have been in and out of hospitals for several months. Only a handful of friends were able to visit me in San Francisco. While the guys were setting up I took a seat in one of the chairs. The weather was horrible. It was freezing cold and super windy. Matt had to dig out a blanket so I could wrap my legs. Courtney had to give me his jacket and it didn't help that my hair was still wet. Thank goodness for my Cannondale beenie made out of Alpaca wool!

Around 9 o'clock folks started popping in to say hi. Everyone couldn't believe I was there and walking. I can't begin to describe how much it meant to see everyone. Between all of my friends, fellow racers and sponsors (old and new) I was busy all day! People were coming in packs, filling up the tent as I talked about what had been going on. You could say I was warm and fuzzy inside and I was able to thank a lot of people for their cards, good wishes and gifts that they had sent! I hope I get the chance to Thank everyone in person! (Eventually I will get to my Thank you cards!) I forgot to mention how great the Acai smoothies were that Courtney was making! I had about four . . . And I must say I am an expert on Acai smoothies. By the end of the day I was pretty wiped out so we headed back to the hotel. We went to dinner with friends. Both of which have supported me throughout this ordeal. After dinner they both presented a check to help with things. One is Extreme Steering (they donated $5 of every grip sale) and the other is Mt Lincoln (a construction company in Truckee, CA.) I know I have said this before but it is important to me to point out the companies that have stood by me and continued to support me (the two above and Mona Vie, Cannondale, Clif Bar, Michelin, and Zeal (which is donating a percentage of a specific glasses sale.) Please support these companies when you are looking for their type of product!

Sunday's weather was much better. I was able to move about and check out the pit area. As I was walking along I ran into Melanie McQuaid. It was great to see her and Thank her for all the support and the video tribute during this tuff time! She really stepped up and made me laugh when I wanted to cry. She had to get going so she didn't miss her call up for the cross country race. I stopped by to talk with Jim Felt. It was great to see him and chat about what I have been going through. He was amazed how good I looked for only being out of the hospital for two weeks! I made my way back to the Mona Vie Cannondale tent and sat down to rest. Then along came Ned Overend. When he spotted me he came right over and we chatted for awhile. It was great to see him. He is my role model. He is the greatest mountain biker I have ever met and the most humble guy you will ever meet . . . Well that would be a tie with Tinker Juarez. He is another great mountain biker, role model and now my teammate! How cool is that? I got to hang out with Tinker and his family all weekend. He had a great race (for as short as the race was for him) and he had nothing but great things to say to me. I could not have had a better weekend if I dreamt it all!

As the day passed and I finished walking all over the place and talking with people, I took a seat and looked around. I couldn't get over the support Cannondale and Mona Vie were giving me. I'm not talking money or product, I am talking people. And it isn't just one or two, it is all of them. I had the pleasure last year to meet a huge number of Cannondale employee's. Everyone of them genuinely love their job. Over the weekend they all spoke with me and wished for a speedy recovery. I am so thankful that I am riding for such a great company. Once I get back on the bike I will ride with great pride. I am seeing every thing in a whole new light. Anyone who goes through what I went through can't possibly help seeing things differently.

As I learn to walk again without assistance I realize I won't ever take things for granted. I remember hearing people complain about running. It kills me to think about because I may never be able to do that again. Then I realize who I am. I'm Jamie Whitmore and I don't just accept things. I may have a foot that doesn't work right now, but I will find a way to run again. I realize that I shouldn't be praying for the use of my foot but rather to be able to run again. God has a plan for everyone. I still don't know what his plan is for me but I will continue to pray. So I am asking you to please pray that I am able to run again one day soon!

I wanted to give the folks in Saipan a huge THANKS for sending a care package. We really enjoyed reading everyone's 'good wishes' and watching the DVD. I was bummed I missed racing in Saipan and Guam this year but this made me feel like I was there!

Ride hard and Run like you might never have the chance again!

Jamie

Surviving the Swim

2008-04-14T20:44:00.001-07:00

It has been quite a challenge this past week. I am still waiting to go to a physical therapist. I was scheduled to go to UC Davis but they wouldn't take me because I wasn't a patient of their's. How ridiculous is that! We asked UCSF to find me another physical therapist. Instead Courtney ended up finding someone with the help of my sports physical therapist. (I have to have one that deals with nerve damage.) I am hoping to finally get some outside help this week!

So what have I been up to! Everyday I have been doing band exercises. I am seeing a lot of improvement in strength but my hamstring is still incredibly weak. I can't pull the band all the way back on my own. I get frustrated often but I know it will get stronger with time. Soon I will be able to go to the gym which will help! I have a loop around my house that I have been walking. Every time I walk I get a little better and faster. I started timing myself. I get a little faster each time. Yesterday I did two laps. I also walked 300yards without the walker. Courtney and my Dad were pretty excited.

I still have no feeling in my foot. We have to tie it up with an ace bandage so it doesn't drag when I walk or cause me to walk funny. It is hard to imagine that I may have to do this for the rest of my life. In fact this is what stresses me the most. Sometimes I lose it and cry at night. I think about how I won't be able to race as a pro and possibly never race again. I have run for over 15 years and I just can't believe I may never be able to run again. I pray and pray and pray that God heals my entire body and gives me feeling back in my foot. Then I pray that God helps me to deal with this. I don't like to rely on my Dad and Courtney ALL the time. I can't just jump up and get a glass of milk. I have to slowly pick myself up, grab my walker and then slowly walk into the kitchen, try to balance myself while I open the fridge and grab the carton of milk. I continue to try and balance myself while I pour the milk in my glass. Then I have to drink it there because I can't hold the glass and try to walk back to where I was sitting. Every thing I took for granted before is difficult for me to do now. It is hard not to get a little depressed at times especially when I see people running or riding their bikes. I often think "I should be doing that. I should be riding my bike and getting ready for Xterra Temecula." Then I realize how lucky I am to be alive, to be able to walk as well as I am. It could have been so much worse. The tumor could have spread, or I could have lost the nerves in my hamstring or calf and not been able to ever walk again. Then I count my blessings!

One good thing is that Courtney contacted someone to try and build something I can use to walk and maybe even run with. I am determined to get back on my bike and run even if it isn't to return as a pro. I just want to get on my bike and ride some trails. I have been in training mode for so long I haven't been able to really enjoy riding.

In the meantime I keep working hard to get stronger. I can't wait until the incision on my stomach heals so I can swim. It is healing nicely but the doctors want me to wait for six weeks to avoid any problems. I also have to be careful about lifting weights that use my abdominal muscles. After all, my entire inside was taken out to remove the tumor. I am still sore in this area.

I will keep you all informed of my progress! Thank you to everyone for your support and for all of your emails. I enjoy reading all of your stories and encouraging words. Please keep them coming! And a HUGE Thank You to all that have donated gift cards and money. It has been such a tremendous help. Your support has helped us to pay a lot of our medical bills! Our dogs are grateful to you as well. They are so excited to have food and treats for the next few months. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts!

I want to let all of you know that I will be attending Sea Otter. I will be hanging out at the Cannondale booth, signing autographs and answering questions. Please drop by and say hello. I will also be at Xterra Temecula. I will be doing the Mountain bike University with Mike Vine and hanging out to cheer folks on in the race. Please feel free to come up and say hello! I look forward to seeing everyone.

Until next week . . .

Jamie

The Race Has Begun!

2008-04-08T23:00:00.001-07:00

I am so glad Courtney has been keeping you all informed. Last week was a bit of a challenge for me. I had no idea surgery was going to be that hard! Now I am happy to say I am on the road to recovery. I still have some obstacles to overcome but the biggest one is over.

I was on the operating table for 9 and a half hours. I don't remember the next few days except for when I woke up and had a breathing tube down my throat. I was disoriented and tried to pull it out. When the doctors finally did it was so painful. I also remember getting a few pints of blood because I was so low. I rejected the second pint and started burning up inside. They had to stop, give me Benadryl, and wait awhile to give me the other pint. I also remember Courtney at my side holding my hand and reading me all of my emails.

The next few days were a struggle. My physical therapist, Nathan, was trying to get me out of bed and stand. My abdominal area hurt and I was extremely nauseous. It didn't help that my energy level was so low. The biggest problem was the numbness in my left foot (They cut out the nerve that controls my foot.) I couldn't balance myself and my legs were extremely weak. I lost 16pounds through all of this putting me at 104lbs. I'm already small, so losing that much weight meant that I lost all of the muscle in my legs. Even my Dad commented on how little my legs looked.

I spent the next two days just trying to balance. I couldn't really walk without compensating for my left leg and foot. The doctors gave me a plastic boot to keep my foot up. It was awkward and it hurt my knee. We also tried a bandage around the ankle to keep me from rolling it as I walked along. It helped but after awhile it hurt. Everything ached as I learned to walk again.

Over the weekend I didn't have Nathan so my Dad took over. He was determined to get me walking. We did band exercises to help strengthen my leg and then walked with a walker. By Sunday I was doing two laps twice a day. I would see other patients walking along, (the same ones that were walking circles around me just 2 days ago) and I would pass them. It was amazing how much I gained over such a short time. I couldn't take a step earlier in the week and now I was walking laps. Sure it was with a walker but I was making progress. I still couldn't walk on my own and I still had severe weakness.

Monday rolled around and I was very excited to show Nathan how much progress I made. He was amazed and had me try a cane. I walked a little bit with it but my balance was not great. He then showed me more strength exercises on stairs. I clearly had more work cut out for me.

My insurance company was refusing to pay for anymore nights, so it was time for me to go home. I was happy to go home but I still needed a lot more physical therapy. I also needed the custom boot that was being made for me. As long as I have no feeling in my foot I will always need a boot or some kind of bandage to hold my foot up.

The reality of this hit me hard on the drive home. If I don't have feeling, returning to racing will be very difficult. Some of the doctors are optimistic and believe some of the nerves in my foot will grow strong and take over for the nerve that was cut. Others think my foot will pretty much be like this for the rest of my life. I have to hold on to the hope that I will regain feeling. I pray everyday that God will make a miracle happen and give me feeling back in my foot. I'm not about to give up. I will get back on the bike and I will run again even if I have to wear a brace!

There is one more matter I have to deal with . . . WILL I NEED RADIATION? Before I left my doctor informed me that this was a NERVE TUMOR. I guess that explains all the pain I was in and the fact that they had to cut the nerve that controls my foot. He also told me it wasn't a slow growing tumor but it wasn't a fast one, it was right in the middle. He would discuss this with his colleagues and let me know in 3 weeks on how they want to proceed. I am praying I won't need radiation simply because I still want to have a family. With God's strength and for God's glory I will continue to fight!

THANK YOU to everyone for your prayers. I also want to THANK those that went to Saturday's ride to support me and to those that have mailed gift cards, books, and dog food! Words aren't enough to say how grateful we are!

Fwd: Jamie...

2008-04-07T16:02:00.001-07:00

Jamie,

It has been horrifying and heartbreaking to hear about your struggles. But then, we step back and think about who you are and how tough you are, and we realize that this is just another challenge you were meant to face. Tim and I believe that you will come out of this stronger than you can ever imagine. We have watched you race and you are a true champion. Please let us know if we can do anything for you.

All our best,

Nicole and Tim DeBoom

LIVE FROM UCSF

2008-03-30T20:37:00.001-07:00

Hey Everyone,

Courtney here... First, let me say thanks for all your prayers and concerns for Jamie and me. You guys are great! But I know most of you want to know how Jamie's doing and she's doing really good. The doctors were able to get all of the tumor out and they say Jamie can get back to a normal life soon. We look forward to no more pain and just hanging out with our dogs, family and friends.

If you can, it would be great to see you Saturday at "Jamie's Ride," for no other reason than to just say thanks to those of you who have been so incredible during this time. If you can't make it, please, keep sending your encouraging emails (www.gutzytrigirl@gmail.com). I read them to Jamie and they have really helped during this time when we needed to hear something good.

Again thanks!

Jamie and Courtney

Fwd: Hope you're better soon!

2008-03-30T20:31:00.001-07:00

Dear Jamie,

I was heartbroken when I heard about your health problems! I saw Courtney at the Chanoko races a couple weeks back, and I signed the get well posters he brought. You've been an inspiration to me (and many others) since I started racing when I was five. I cheered for you at the finish line of XTERRA Nationals in 2007 and I will cheer for you as you face this new kind of challenge. I know that your strength, courage, and faith will carry you through this difficult time. You will continue to inspire me in everything I do, on and off the trail!

I will wear my hair in "Jamie Whitmore" braids when I race in honor and support of you.

Take care,

Avery Morin

Fwd: Hey Jamie....

2008-03-30T20:08:00.001-07:00

From: Neal Henderson

Hi Jamie,

I know that right now you're on the table right now and won't see this until after...but the good thing is that you are on the road to getting back. I just want to let you know, though I hope you already do, that I'll be your coach as long as you'll have me - and will always be your friend regardless of anything else. You are an inspiration to many people, and I hope that I can help you continue to do that going forward. I believe that you ARE going to be BACK ON TOP!!! Sure, the road will have bumps...but that's what makes things interesting and the challenges make the rewards worth something. Take care, and recover well! Look forward to talking soon - Neal

Fwd: Hey Jamie!

2008-03-30T20:00:00.001-07:00

Hi Jamie

This is Takashi Maystorm Japan. I was so shocked when I hear about you for the first time, especially after seeing bright Jamie at your home when we visit your place last year. I could not imagine you are in this battle field now.

But as a supporter and a XTERRA FAMILY, I really prey for your recovery and coming-back even stronger than before! I strongly believe you will get over this. I know you are strong and mentally tough girl. God will save you surely. Try not hurry, just see the sunny side. We will give you some help if we can do any.

As I am a webmaster of XTERRA JAPAN, I(we) also getting some message and donations for you from XTERRA JAPAN family. We will pass those periodically.

Keep up being positive! We will contact you soon!

Gambatte! You are always "Ichiban" girl!!!

Talk to you soon.

Takashi Saito

Maystorm Japan

www.maystorm-gear.com

Fwd: Thinking of you and your family

2008-03-30T19:54:00.001-07:00

From: Shannon Knott <

Hi, Jamie I pray for you and your family each and ever day and I KNOW WITH GODS WILL, all of this will turn out well. I just want you to know you are getting so many prayers and well wishes, from all the people who respect you, as not only a racer, but a person with such a great out going personality, and you are an inspiration, to me and so many others. Again thanks for being you.

PRE RACE JITTERS

2008-03-27T22:00:00.000-07:00

I am writing this the night before I go in for surgery. So many things are running through my head . . . so many questions. Will I be able to walk let alone run? Will I get rid of this catheter? Will I have to have radiation? Will all of this nerve pain finally go away? I have been in pain for so long I can’t remember what is was like without it!

It is hard to wrap my hands around being cut open and having a baseball sized tumor removed. While I am still out they will test it for more info. Will it be benign? Or will it be malignant? Is it fast growing or slow? It doesn’t stop there. They will still need to repair nerve damage from removing the tumor. My poor family and friends will be patiently waiting for any information.

I don’t know how this will turn out. I pray everyday that no matter what happens I have the strength to not only get through it but to accept it! My body has really been through the ringer. I have lost 10lbs and most of that was muscle. I haven’t seen the sun except for when I get in the car and when I get out! I have lost all of my swimsuit and bike short tan lines. I think my bike won’t even recognize me.

I’m so glad this day has finally come. I have some butterflies in my stomach but who doesn’t before something like this! I know I will be in good hands!!

2008-03-19T02:49:00.001-07:00

From: Russ Quinn <saipanruss@yahoo.com>
Date: Mon, Mar 17, 2008 at 8:32 PM
Subject:high elbows

Hi Jamie,

How are you doing? I just read the update on your website. You know, some of those old ladies with IV drips are pretty fast (might want to have them tested), I find that high elbows work well. If that doesn't work, Courtney's paintball gun will take the spring out of their step.

We had a good Xterra/Tagaman Sportsfest, but you guys were definitely missed. I, of course, won the go-carts (cart #10 was very fast), there really wasn't much competition this year.

Well girl, keep your spirits high, and know that you have people from all over the world sending thoughts and prayers your way.

Cheers,

Russ
--

From: Circ Cindi Toepel <circindi@msn.com>
Date: Mon, Mar 17, 2008 at 5:54 PM
Subject: Your attitude is your altitude!

Hey Jamie!

We want you to know that you are in our thoughts and prayers! We are praying that God's will is for you to recover fully and come back stronger than ever. We really need your motor home parked next to ours so the 'trailer trash' can hang out together! We know you are a fighter so keep it up. If there is anything at all we can do for you or Courtney, please don't hesitate to let us know.

We love you,

Cindi and Circ

--

Date: Sun, Mar 16, 2008 at 4:48 PM
Subject: Kickin @*$!

Hi Jamie and Courtney,

This is Jen, Chris Holmes daughter. I spoke with Christopher a few nights ago and he gave me the scoop on your condition. I'm very sorry. Words can't even begin to express how taken aback I was when he told me. Chris told me that you are planning some kind of fundraising event. I want you to know that I will be flying from Pennsylvania to support you and your cause. You and Courtney have been so good to me and Christopher over the years. I remember the first time I raced a downhill race with your dad, I was scared to death but Courtney took care of us. So PLEASE keep me updated. I just wanted you to know I will be flying all the way from Pennsylvania to attend your event!!!!

Your an ass kicker Jamie! I don't know what else to say but KICK ASS and FIGHT! You know it won't be easy. You have never been a victim only a fighter, after all you don't win World Championships any other way. Everyone is here for you. Your mentally one of the strongest women I know, and you have an unyielding faith in God. You can't ask for much more.

Please keep me updated!

Stay positive (as hard as it will be)!

Jen Cornelison

--
Date: Mon, Mar 17, 2008 at 4:45 AM
Subject: Prayer

Hey Jamie,
My dad said you remembered me when you were last back on Saipan. Even
though in NZ, I think of you often and show off the photo I have of us
after the Tagaman a few years ago.

I couldn't believe my eyes when I read your letter, but God is in
control. Everything is in His perfect timing.

I just wanted to let you know that you've got prayer coming from New
Zealand so that you can get back out there and show others what God can do!

Caleb

--
From: Dusty Robinson <dusty@fleetfeetsacramento.com>
Date: Mon, Mar 17, 2008 at 11:08 AM
Subject: Race Hard!

Hey Jamie,

Dusty & FF gang here! I check in on your website at least once a day and we really appreciate the updates of how you are doing. We are all thinking of you and praying for you. It will be a long race but I know you race hard and you always come back. You probably don't even remember but I will never forget my first Chanoko Duathlon with TBF. I look over and there you are, we say hi, how you been, etc. As a true runner amongst a bunch of multi-sport athletes I knew I had the run portions in the bag. I feeling pretty proud of myself that I came out of the first run pretty well…actually in front of you I found out later. But I knew you would be coming soon, sure enough….woosh…there you went on a downhill. I will catch her on the run I said. Well I did catch you at about 1 mile in to the 2 mile run. I had you…..but guess what you race hard and you always come out on top. It was the most hype I had ever heard at the end of a race….the hype wasn't for me though. I, the true runner amongst multi-sport athletes, just go out kicked by the X-terra World Champion and Mark Shaw wasn't going to let me forget.

Race Hard…and we all enjoy racing with you!

Dusty

--
Subject: Stay strong
Date: Mon, 17 Mar 2008 17:54:17 -0500

Jamie,

I recently read your update on Triathletemag.com, and I felt compelled to send you a note. I am sure you are receiving an amazing number of supportive emails lately, and I wanted to add mine to the lot. Please do not feel that you must reply to my note; I do not want to add to an overwhelming situation. I only wanted to wish you well in this battle.

As your email address indicates, you are one gutsy girl, and you'll get through this challenge healthy, happy, and even gutsier. Stay strong, stay positive, and remember to still have some laughs along the way!

I look forward to seeing you at your next race... and I won't call it a comeback race, 'cause you're really not going anywhere!

Take care, and all my best to you and your family.

Michael

friends are great

2008-03-17T23:24:00.000-07:00

thanks to everyone, you all have been an insperation to us in our time of need.
thank you

courtney

SETTING UP TRANSITION

2008-03-17T14:57:00.001-07:00

I am finally home after 10 days in the hospital. I wish I could say that everything is ok but the truth is, we still don’t know what we are dealing with. After 3 different biopsies we know that the tumor originated in the glut and grew into my pelvic area. It is the size of a baseball and is pushing up against my organs and the nerves in my left leg.

The doctors aren’t really sure if the tumor is pushing or growing out of my nerves. Either way I am in a lot of pain. More pain then the bike course of Utah, Tahoe and Maui put together. On a scale of 1-10, (1 being no pain and 10 being a lot), my pain ranges from 5 on a good day and 11 on a bad day. None of the pain meds or “nerve blockers” work well.

The sad part is that it is affecting my ability to walk properly. I can walk on my own but I use a walker for stability and so that I can walk longer. While in the hospital I was up to one lap around the oncology ward in the morning and one lap in the evening. I remember one time as I hobbled along in the morning I was passed by an older woman pushing along her IV drip system. I couldn’t believe I was walking so slowly. I jumped into my competitive mode and tried to hobble faster. At that moment it really hit me, I could have cancer. Three months ago I was racing in Maui living life and today I was trying to walk.

Right now the doctors are figuring out when their schedules are free so they can operate on me. The plan is to just go in and remove the tumor and figure out what it is while I am still open. There are several things they will be looking for. The first is testing the tumor to see if it is benign or malignant. If it is malignant then they need to find out if it is fast or slow growing. The last thing is if it is affecting any of my nerves. Removing the tumor may cause a lot of damage to the nerves. This means my ability to walk properly for one example. Any way you look at this, it will be a challenge.

I won’t go into all of the different scenarios that can happen. I just pray that whatever the outcome I will have God’s strength to get through it. I was reminded by a friend to remember my own mantra “With God’s strength, For God’s glory.” I say this every time while I race to remind myself why I race. It helps me to keep my mind right. I know I will get through this with God’s strength and in the end it will all be for God’s glory!

I am completely speechless over all of the emails I have been receiving on a daily basis. For those of you that know me, I am never without something to say! But I would like to say that I am truly blessed to have so many people help me through this difficult time. I will win this race with the help and encouragement of so many . . . And I’m lucky because I can receive aid from other racers!

Stay tuned because we will keep you updated to what is going on. When I go in for surgery and how my recovery is going. Please keep the emails coming because they definitely keep me smiling!

I hope to see you out on the trails soon.

Powered By God,
Jamie